friendship insecurity

do forums help and do talking to strangers help alleviate some stressful thinking? i just joined 7cups so hello ^_^

i'm pretty insecure in my friendships. i considered someone as one of my close friends. he has his own group of friends and has a variety of people to talk to, so i'm fine with this even if i wasn't one of his top 5 close friends. but after i told him that all i need were friends, he told me that he needs a girlfriend to survive, disregarding his other interpersonal relationships with others. i didn't consider much of what he said, but because i have a tendency to replay memories after meetings, his words stuck like pure *** to me.

i also remembered that he would consistently walk way ahead of me, and even acknowledging the furthering distance in-between us by looking back on the distance and continuing to walk faster, it really made me feel like trash. and really, i was beginning to lose trust in my friendships.

ultimately, i lost trust in him. i used to admire him deeply and compliment him in every aspect, but with more and more distance from this guy, the more i began to hate him and the more i lost my trust in all of my other close friendships. because for four straight years, i have allowed myself to get treated as a punching bag in my friend groups that i'm highly sick of it because at the end of the day, to the present day, absolutely none of them talk to me and absolutely all of them ghost me.

what's the point of calling me close if i'm not even on your top 10 list? if you were truly a close friend, shouldn't you at least try to understand my viewpoint instead of your feelings when i bring up an issue? why did that have to become a reason to distance yourself if i took the great courage to let you know about my conflicts when i usually wouldn't? i don't know what the heck is a real friendship...

i'm so disappointed in them.

what do friends talk about? lmao? should i talk about myself? am i even valuable as a friend? do you have to be considered valuable to be a friend to someone who titled you close? do you have to explain yourself as to why you're talking to them? lmao? can't you send anything you want? what's the point of a close title if you can't talk to them? what's the point of being friends if no response? what's the point of friendships?

is this the format for conversations?

me: question
you: answer
me: question2
you: answer
me: question3

????????

lmao??????

how to form close bonds with people?

am i just

friendless?