Confused and need advice?

Hey everyone,

This isn’t my first time in 7 cups, but I usually just lurk around and decide against saying anything (which is something I do on other apps/group chats unfortunately). I’m at least stepping out and posting because I would appreciate advice and support, since I haven’t been getting much, or honestly any, recently.

The issue relates to friends actually. Giving full context and details would take way too long, so I’ll try to be brief and hit the main points as best I can.

A little over a year ago, I was invited into a *** group by a previous classmate, and we all became friends and called or played games regularly. Life got in the way for most of us, which is understandable, but I would still see them calling and talking amongst themselves a lot. I became less active in the group chat due to life as well, but when I would reach out or try to ask what was going on, how everyone was doing, and so on, no one would really respond. They would put out general invites to play a game or do something, but it always seemed like they would rarely acknowledge me when I would ask about it, or say “oh, we’re already planning on doing this with so and so, we already decided a time, etc.”

Fast forward to this January, where I went dark on that account up until April. No one reached out to me. No one checked on me. I was dealing with a lot, both externally and internally, and no one cared. And then when I came back, it didn’t seem like a huge deal or anything. It was just like “oh hey.” What upsets me more is that that group, especially the classmate that invited me, preaches about “always being there for your friends and mental health matters.” It just felt like a lie to me. They were putting their own friendships or relationships ahead of me, and then still turning around and saying they loved me.

I feel like I sound selfish and immature. People are allowed to have their own lives and relationships, but I want to be one that doesn’t require my prompting. I want people to reach out to me because they want to, not because they want something or feel obligated to. I’ve had so many “friends” tell me they loved me, then never talk to me again. That’s one of the reasons why I don’t even like using the word “friends” anymore, or tossing around “I love you’s” since it seems like it won’t even mean anything.

So I guess these feelings have been building up, because now when I see them talking and making plans in the group chat, I get upset, and more recently, angry. I’ll ask how long they’re gonna be out at an arcade because I might be able to meet them after work, and all I get is an “idk.” All I want to do is tell them that it hurt that they didn’t reach out to me, that they don’t reach out to me. But am I being selfish for doing that?