Dislike of Specific Subset of People - Part 2

I’m continuing further discussion of people frequently defined as neurodivergent, which I’ve personally included autism, ADHD, OCD, etc. Like the post I listed with as part 1 with the same title, I don’t want any judgement over my handling of these people, labeling myself with diagnoses, or see arguments over what counts as neurodiversity and its outcomes.

The instance that I had with a boy called C on a backpacking trip and regular scares from a different boy with Tourette’s were bad enough.

I have seen people with learning disabilities like dyslexia recognized as neurodiverse, so I will mention a classmate named L who was dyslexic. She was in a study abroad trip to Costa Rica, where we studied land use and interviewed people affected by rip currents at the beach. L was difficult to be around due to the drama she started with handling projects related to these studies and she reeked insecurities anyway. Although the latter part was valid. All of that though caused me to be distressed in these settings when I already had a history of being scapegoated in group projects in college. Then these worries continued to my final year of undergrad, which proved to be true during a different group project where the other members were dysfunctional themselves but reported me to the teacher and a department dean because of minor issues.

Surprisingly, the only other person in college I knew to be traditionally neurodivergent since he had autism was not too problematic. He talked in monotone, showed inappropriate facial expressions and wasn’t good at conversations but I gave him a chance when he started college when I was a senior because he was from a town in my area. However, I pursued hobbies that would overwhelm his senses like sports and loud live music and I dealt with academic and emotional pressures from family at the time so it was hard for me to get through to him. But then after college and the worst of the pandemic my former high school teacher tried to solve my insecurities by hooking me up with a woman who I suspected to have autism. Her bad temper behind the wheel, swearing like a drunk college student and expectations for me to sit as close to her as possible on her couch, all on the first hangout, were already undesirable. I began to suspect possible neurodivergence when we had dinner that included her parents and a sister with Down’s Syndrome, when her parents disclosed she used sign language until she was nearly 7. I distanced from her when this woman asked if I was ready for a girlfriend after this first and only hangout and I later moved to a different city for work. However, this proved I won’t date a woman like this again, neurodivergent or not. Especially since it was not my idea in the first place.

My cousin has been in a relationship since 2021 with a woman who has ADHD, although I don’t know of her symptoms or treatment. This girlfriend spends frivolously on minor purchases, which my cousin dislikes. Her talking even overwhelms my already-chatty aunt, my cousin’s mother. The last time I hung out with them involved hanging out at their hotel’s pool. When we were visiting, the girlfriend randomly expressed sadness upon reading something on her phone. I didn’t approve of my cousin’s invalidation of the behavior when he asked her, but that moment tapped into my long-standing fear of demonstrative people, constant criticism of people’s differences, and rapidly changing emotions. These insecurities gets ridiculed by loved ones and I always get framed as the bad guy because I don’t like random bad moods. All of which is more common with neurodivergence.

I fell out with a college friend with OCD who attended an overly-demanding church with me. We engaged in long discussions over highly personal issues which later became a reason for me to disconnect from him when I stopped initiating these chats but he persisted with that tendency. He regularly expressed fears over matters such as then-current romantic relationships and spirituality. He showed a tendency to apologize to people even when it wasn’t expected by others, like when he walked all the way across our large campus to apologize to a woman for playing a football video in front of her and he got visibly excited. This friend also randomly changed moods which sometimes made him unpleasant. After letting these moments slide, I finally called it quits with this friend by blocking him when he texted me with religious jargon after 3 years of silence with each other. I’m angered also because he is probably spreading his OCD to 2 children that he shared with a wife who is 8 years his junior and they married when she was barely out of high school. All of this on top of me prioritizing my career and health over relationships while I get punished for that daily by a girlfriend I broke up with because she was overly-affectionate physically. That former lover didn’t tell me her medical history, but she was traumatized by her parents’ quick divorce and aggressive dogs in her home country. People have pressured me before, including former doctors, as a way to deal with my depression symptoms.

I’ve also been maligned each time for expressing a reluctance to date someone for various traits I don’t want to put up with, including unresolved neurodivergent conditions. And of course, there’s the unhappiness that I’ve had to deal with in Part 1 of this related post. Like I stated in the first post, I’m no saint myself even when I don’t identify as neurodivergent but I don’t like people who use their medical conditions to get away with mistreatment. I stopped using relationships as a reason to numb my own feelings, but if I get back into dating, I’m afraid of what’s to come because of these old experiences that are usually invalidated anyway. That’s because the good single women, neurodivergent or not, are all gone.   Many of the people left struggle with medical conditions and neurodivergence, which puts a ton of pressure on me when I struggle with this subset anyway. It’s my personal experience though rather than a generalization. People in my age group who are not my usual circle are self-absorbed, unfriendly to old-fashioned yet positive traits that I show and I’m expected to accept bad treatment and drama.

I need encouragement and validation to know I’m not going crazy for these experiences. Thank you 7Cups.