Do I try too hard?
I met a girl in a game, and we became friends. We quickly became good friends, I guess, because it felt like that. We talked and played every day for the past two months, and we still do, but 3 days ago something felt like it broke a bit between us. I feel like I'm the reason why it happened because, when we talked that night, she sent me some kind of face treatment. I don't know exactly what it was, but I was like, "she will earn money and buy it in the future." Then I said, "or I'll earn money and buy it for her."
She asked why I want to sponsor/buy her so many things, and I was like, "I don't know, maybe I just want to make you happier by doing that." I'm not exactly sure why, but I just feel like that for some people I like, and I want to make them happier so it would make me happier by seeing them enjoy something I said or bought.
The next day, from just saying goodnight to saying hi in the morning, things changed. There was less talking, and it felt like she was drifting away from me. Even when we were on a voice call and I stopped talking for a bit, she wouldn't say anything like, "why aren't you talking? Say something," like she used to. She used to talk much more to me, and I don't know if I'm at fault or what happened. I would ask what's going on, but I'm worried that she’s going to dump me and stop talking to me.
I'm mostly a lonely person, except for my one best friend that I can always count on and my family, but I'm not talking to them about these kinds of things so they don't need to worry about me. My biggest problem is that I don't have friends to talk to, and conversations with me are boring. I always try to hold onto the people I meet and like a lot because I have a great time with them. But sometimes I feel like I'm too much, or I worry, care, and try too hard to be the best for them. It feels like I'm putting pressure on them or something like that. I don't know how to explain it, but yeah, I hope you understand what I mean.
After a lot of overthinking and having depression return for a bit, I decided to start changing something little by little, but I'm still not exactly sure how. I'm trying something and hope it will work out, but still, I wish I had a bit more friends that I could talk to and meet with, so I would be able to focus more easily on happier things than sad ones.
I hope you survived till the end and thank you for reading that.
@ReaperOs
Hey ReaperOS!!:)
I understand that you're really worried about losing your friend you met online and therefore you keep yourself from asking her what's wrong or why she's acting differently right now. The thing is being honest and open with your feelings towards a person you like is the most important thing one can do and also an important part for a healthy relationship.
Let's say you won't talk to her. What then? Let's say nothing changes. Would you be okay with the situation being so different than it used to be? Could you be still friends and enjoy that kind of "colder" relationship?
Now let's consider you ask her what's wrong and she dumps you afterwards for whatever reason. Wouldn't that be better than the first case? At least you'd know where you stand. You wouldn't have to change yourself for someone else since you shared your actual feelings and it was them who decided not to accept you and leave. Isn't that what you want? An honest friendship? A friendship is not one-sided. Nevertheless it's possible to be one-sided for some time if the other person is in some sort of vulnerable state and needs help for the time being but it costs a lot of energy. Watch out to not lose yourself in the long run.
However there's no point in assuming the worst case.
I don't really see a reason why she would randomly stop talking to you just because you ask her what's wrong.
It can happen we don't know. You'd have to make a decision about what you value the most.
Is there even a reason why you're suspecting her of behaving like that? Has she done it before to someone else?
Another outcome could be you ask her what's wrong and she will give you an answer so you can make things better the next time and everything's going to be fine:)
The fastest way to know what's actually up would be talking to her. She has that answer you're looking for. Whatever decision you make will be the right one since that's how you felt and acted accordingly.
You're not "too much" neither are you a boring person. You've mentioned your one best friend. Do you think you'd have a best friend if you were too much or boring?;) Also you've met this gamer girl online and had some nice talks/ games with her. It doesn't sound like you're boring in any way. If it were the case you wouldn't have met her in the first place.
Yeah it seems as if I survived until the end ;D
Hey there,
I'm sorry to hear your friendship has faced a rough patch. I think the best thing to do is to talk to her about it. For all you know it might not even be about what you said but about something else. Things only get solved by having open communication.
You could try and ask her can you two talk about something and that you're worried. It's best to use more I statements so the other person doesn't get defensive, if you're worried about that.
Like for example, I feel like something changed between us recently. I feel like we don't talk the same anymore and like you talk to me less. I'm wondering is it because of what I said about buying you things or is something else going on?
I'd love to know how you're feeling.
Also, I don't think caring a lot is a bad thing at all. Most people these days pretend like they don't care at all. But if your care and worry comes from a place of fear because you feel lonely, it could push people away. It might feel like you're anxiously gripping onto the other person to feel okay. You could look into attachment styles and see which one resonates with you. You could possibly be anxiously attached.
I hope that helps you and your friend, wishing you the best