Figuring out being a good friend
I haven’t been a good friend to people. I didn’t have people in my life that cared (a lot of abuse, one parent tried to kill me, one abandoned me, I bounced from house to house. Then a string of guys that didn’t care about me just using me, then an abusive relationship I finally escaped from)
It’s been 5 years now sins I’ve been on my own. I am still very sensitive to being abandoned and have a hard time trusting people.
I met a person I care about very much, but I feel like I’ve been a terrible friend. Too needy, clingy, self centered.
what does good friendship look like, and how can I going forward be a decent friend before it’s too late?
@AMaeB
your story shows so much strength just in how you’ve survived and kept going despite everything you’ve been through. It’s completely understandable that trusting others feels difficult after all that pain, and that you feel vulnerable in your friendships.
Friendship, at its core, is a balance between giving and receiving care, respect, and understanding. It’s not about being perfect or never making mistakes. It’s about showing up—sometimes imperfectly—but with honesty and effort.
Being a good friend doesn’t mean you have to be everything for someone all the time. It means being willing to listen without judgment, to respect boundaries (both yours and theirs), and to communicate openly about what you need and what you can give.
Feeling needy or clingy often comes from a place of fear—fear of losing connection or being alone again. That’s valid. What can help is recognizing when those feelings come up, and gently reminding yourself that a strong friendship has space for both closeness and independence. It’s okay to want connection, but it’s also okay to take time to nurture your own well-being, too.
Going forward, maybe try small steps: check in with your friend about what they need, share what you feel without overwhelming, and be patient—with yourself and with them. Remember that building trust takes time, and it’s okay to move at a pace that feels safe.
You are worthy of friendship, love, and care—just as you are. And every day is a new chance to practice being the kind of friend you want to be, not by being perfect, but by being real and kind.
