Hard to trust anymore

Hey everyone,

I’ve had to cut so many people out of my life — not out of spite, but because of betrayal ,abuse, belittling, jealousy, and envy. People I once called friends. People who knew about the abuse I survived. And instead of supporting me, they fed off it. Some even used it against me.

I let people walk all over me for years because I just wanted to be accepted — to feel seen. I gave loyalty and love, but I got manipulation and judgment in return not one would do the same for me either but that’s not the point ive been used in many ways possible & also had people project what they have done onto me, I feel it’s all I’ve had/seen. And now I’m left asking myself: Was I too much? Or were they just never right for me?

The truth is, I’m struggling to trust anyone now. I don’t know how to tell who’s genuine and who’s just waiting to turn. Doesn’t help that I live in the same area where I have suffered abuse as a child and systematic failure and feel stuck here with the same people, environment where you either fit into their dynamic or you become a target I’m now having things thrown at my window as if my past was not enough trauma. I’m quiet and don’t bother others. I live on a rough council estate but that also is the same for the entire area.

I’ve even seen the patterns it’s all the same copying, jealousy, belittling infront of others, gaslighting,feeling hated, staring whispering, trying to intimidate me! Sadly it started off with family and now it’s anyone and everyone I meet here old or new. I want to get out of here you can’t heal where you have been broken and I feel that deeply as it never ends to the point I’m wondering if it’s all a game and they are all in on it and new people are not met by accident but put there to keep an eye on things I do as it does all make a lot of sense.

How do you survive carrying on in the place that’s broke you.

If anyone else has been through this —

How do you know who’s real after so much betrayal?

How do you trust again, when your story’s been used against you?

I’m hoping to meet new people that aligned with who I am and don’t feel the need to turn on you through jealousy I’m not sure how to do this any advice will be grateful

I’d really appreciate any thoughts, support, or just knowing someone understands. 💜