Situationship I guess
I have a long date friend and we ended up liking each other last year. Since then we have been hanging out when she cans (once per week or so), we kissed, hugged (never had sex).
The thing is... I guess she is afraid of commitment... Her explanations are: "Sometimes I think I don't deserve you"; "I need to figure myself out"; "I don't want to hurt you"...
Still... we really like each other, so I am waiting for her to make a decision. She is still studying (last year of her master's degree), so she finds hard to hang out... I don't know if she is even trying (sometimes I can see her trying... but its so inconsistent that creates doubt).
I don't wanna mess this up... but I feel she can leave anytime and doesn't care... or maybe because she keeps her thoughts to herself which makes it harder to communicate. She wants to get better and she is waiting for an psychologist appointment (the thing is our public system takes years) due to her past traumas (fatherless).
What can I do?
@wolfiesea,
I won't go into any details but based on your post I recognize her behavior from my now ex wife (I only realized later).
This is not an easy situation. I don't think she doesn't care. I think she does care a lot. Something though is holding her back, keeping her on guard. What that is, doesn't matter, she might open up but do not ask , she'll feel pressurized.
All you can do is be very patient, very kind and gentle, very consistent in your behavior.
As I said, not easy. If you want to pursue this relationship it's gonna ask a lot from you. Can you be stable and grounded? Not taking her behavior personally as it isn't you, it's her? Can you be there for her while being there for you in the first place?
You both have a full life ahead. Things will happen. Good things. Bad things. Will you be able to deal with all situations in a consistent way? Staying calm, no matter what? Maybe you say yes because you want to. Thing is, you really have to know yourself and be open and honest about needs and expectations.
Not undoable but tough and hard work. On both sides. Confronting at times.
