TW: physical abuse | friend won't get help
So I have a long distance friend I have known for 5 years. We are really close and live on seperate countries.
My friend has an abusive little brother and their mom is not doing anything about it. He was taken to a psych ward recently but he was released from there which is absurd to me because he is a literal danger to everyone. He recently set the stove on fire on purpose.
The brother keeps throwing stuff at my friend and her sister sometimes. Then sometimes he hits them. Some days ago he suddenly attacked my friend and her sister with a mirror and it hurt my friend's lip. She said he could have killed them.
When I got really concerned and said this has to stop and this is not okay, she was first open to getting help. But then suddenly she said no one would care anyway because the firemen didn't care much about the fire from the stove that happened recently. She believes no one would care, she has had many experiences like that. But then she also said she doesn't care anymore. She tends to do that sometimes. Just gives up and says she doesn't care anymore.
I know I'm not responsible for her and I can't do anything. But I don't know how to deal with this. We talk all happy together while I know that she could get killed and she doesn't care. It feels absurd to me and like too much. It's horrible to have to have a friend who doesn't want help for themselves and is whatever about themselves.
She showed me such attitude about getting help and about abandoning herself like this. I'm not sure was it really as serious as she says it is. The reason I am wondering that is because she said that they could have been killed but then she wanted to just move on in the conversation and then showed me major attitude when I was trying to help her and be there for her and she started doubting if I care about her which hurt a lot.
She did apologize for her behavior but she never explained why she behaved that way and didn't elaborate on the situation. I'm just fed up with this and altho I love her a lot it's a lot. It's a lot having a friend who doesn't want to get better and something bad could happen any of these days. I am angry at her, I can't help it. But I also wish she just started caring about herself more.
It sounds like you’re in a really tough situation, and it’s understandable to feel overwhelmed and frustrated. You care deeply for your friend, and it’s heartbreaking to see her in such a dangerous environment. It’s painful when someone we love seems to give up on themselves, and your feelings of anger and confusion are completely valid. She might be struggling with her own helplessness, which could explain her reactions. Your desire to help shows how much you care, but it’s also important to recognize your limits. Have you considered how to express your concerns without pushing her away? Letting her know you’re there for her while also taking care of yourself could be helpful.
