no support system

I am abruptly finding out that my boyfriend of 3.5 years is moving out of state in two days and I am having waves of mental breakdowns. my only support, my only friend. the only person who has truly seen and loved me for exactly who I am. it’s like my stability and safe space are being ripped out from under me.

I did have a female best friend. we were joined at the hip for 18 years. she was my ride or die. a little over a year ago she dumped me, in a really hurtful and toxic way. I’ve tried to make friends in the time since then, but it never works out. either the people I try to connect with completely suck (and ghost me) or my chronic illness gets in the way.

mental: depression, anxiety, ARFID, C-PTSD, ADHD, history of substance use

physical: POTS, scoliosis, hypermobility, narcolepsy type 2

I am too busy dealing with that👆🏻 to even try to incorporate fun or community or anything social. I feel so massively alone. it’s difficult for me to trust, and difficult for me to find real connection. I have so much love to give, such a big heart, and I don’t know where to direct it.

idk. I can’t believe he is leaving.

continuing the relationship sounds like torture.

ending the relationship sounds like torture.

my nervous system is going completely haywire and I feel like I am never going to be okay.