I wish I could tell everybody that...

I wish I could tell everyone that I'm not actyatky happy. That it's all a fake. I wish that they could understand me. I wish I could tell everyone the things that go on in my head, all the things that beat at me. All the pain I deal with.

I wish I could tell everybody that I'm not a bad person. That I'm not a compulsive liar. That I am a broken soul looking for an answer on this beautiful planet.

I wish I could tell everybody that I'm not a bad person. That I'm not a compulsive liar. That I am a broken soul looking for an answer on this beautiful planet.

I hate myself and how I treat the person I love. He is everything to me and I hurt him so much.

That I want to talk and have friends. That I suffer in my silence. That my life is painful without friend.

I'm gay.

I wish I could tell everybody that I am trying to live my dream. I am trying to do what is right. I wish they could understand that judging before results is wrong

I wish I could tell everyone, and not only tell but convince everyone that I am not my insecurities. And that it's not fair to judge me so harshly... some judge me for "living in sin," which I find unfair because it often feels God puts way too high of expectations on me. I wish they understood, and didn't sit on their high horse looking down on me. And others judge me for not being the best version of myself every day. Well.... I don't actually know if they judge me for that. I judge myself for that. I wish I could convince myself to stop being such a harsh critic.

I'm gay, and I cant apologize for being just who I am. Yeah, I don't look that good, but yes, I think even I deserve love, I deserve to be loved, I deserve to be someone's special person. I wish I could tell everyone that though I act like I'm very happy and content with my life, but it's all fake. I'm not happy, I'm not satisfied with my life at all, I'm all alone. Though for the namesake, I may have 'besties', but just because of the fact that they're straight, I just can't be open to them, and moreover, living in a society like mine, it's so much difficult to find a gay person, because we are still forced to believe that there's something wrong in us, that we are not what the nature wants. But I personally do not feel as that. And something that feels so right, how can it be wrong? I don't know, it's just that I want an end to all of this. I want an end to all this social stigma that surrounds people like me, I want myself to feel proud of my identity, but I just can't. Today when I see my pictures from my childhood, I feel so guilty, I dont know why, but I just feel like- who knew that this guy would grow up to be like this? Who knew that this person would bring such shame to his parents? I always avoid any childhood memories because they always make me feel so guilty, just for who I am.

I am heartbroken because I am getting over someone that I thought was my soul mate.