I wish I could tell everybody that...

I get really sad and/or depressed sometimes. Mostly, I feel like the negative feelings I have need to be stuffed inside.

That I prefer being alone not because I don't like anyone or because I'm anto-social rather because I don't want to involve anyone with my messed up life and problems

Abusing someone who has been abused already. Using it to your advantage that they have ptsd. Is so cruel. Please. If your partner begs you to leave. Leave.

I wish I could tell everyone what's on my mind more like I seem to be able to do online. I can't seem to open up like I do talking to people online (Aside from my therapist and mental health doctor). Than again I've been wanting to do game plays on places like Youtube, Twitch or Mixer and I can only go as far as doing silent broadcasts lol.

I'm broken and scarred. That my mom was abusive and my dad is hateful. That I'm not really worth saving.

I wish I could tell everyone that I have bipolar disorder. That it's isolating. I wish I could explain what it's like to the people I love so that they understand when I avoid their calls and text. I wish they knew I love them, but there are times when I absolutely cannot handle social interaction appropriately, or have no desire to. I wish they knew that after my manic or depressive episode is over, I feel so guilty and disappointed in myself for ignoring them, or even lashing out at them. I wish everyone understood that bipolar disorder is a medical condition that I have no control over and that I'm doing everything I can to manage it. I wish I could say all these things, but I can't because I'm afraid that too many people will see my bipolar disorder unsettling and unattractive. I'm scared that their response will immediately throw me into an episode.

I wish I could everyone I have vaginismus.

...that a small gesture can really make someone's day! After seeing a homeless man holding a sign that said "Free smiles," I made eye contact with him, smiled and wished him a good morning, even though I didn't drop any money in his collection cup. I was rewarded with a genuine smile back - and I think I made *his* day by actually talking to him and treating him like a regular person; that in turn made me feel good and made *my* day! 🙂

I am not snobby or judgemental, just too afraid to speak and certain I am unwated so I stay on the sidelines. My smile is fake, inside I am a tangled anxious knot.

I wish I could tell everybody that I can't control what is happening inside my own head. That I am exhausted. That I feel as though nothing is worth me putting any time of effort into. I just wish I could tell everyone that I am not as fine as I seem and that I'm slowly descending into a black hole with no way out. I can't control my emotions, and that I can't just get over it. I just want to feel happy. I just want to live a life where I don't have to worry about every little thing. I just want to stop feeling like this but nobody sees that. I'm trying to be happy just for everyone else and nobody knows anything about what is happening to me.

I just want to feel happy. Or is that too much to ask for?