I wish I could tell everybody that...
Everyone I know thinks I'm smart. That I'm above average. That I don't have to work hard on anything. And what's really sad is that for the most part they're right. But nothing is good enough for my parents. They always end up calling me stupid and dumb. And I know I'm not either of those things, but it still stings when I hear it. It's feels as if everyone I know thinks I'm dumb and stupid as well. It's so demeaning. And I wish it would stop. But it never will.
I wish I could tell everyone that I'm not a lazy bum, and that I do want job. That I do want money because theres somewhere I want to be, and that I want to go there but I don't have the courage yet to get my liscence. I wish I could tell everyone about my lover and not get sad because I'm not strong enough to get there by myself.
I wish I could tell everybody that I was in a foster home for 6 years, and in the first year, I was raped by somebody who I thought was my friend.
I'm not mad or blaming my parents for what they did I'm just not ready to forgive them yet
That I am gay but not a pervert. Just because the law in this country makes loving someone of my gender a crime does not mean that I love any less sincerely. That I am still the same guy you grew up with, the same friend that stayed up all night to help you with your tests, so don't call me a faggot and demean me just because now you know that I can only love a man! That I want the same things that you do, and even if I didn't that wouldn't make me any less of a person! That it's harder than you think to know that I'll probably never have it as easy as you do, to live a simple average life in this country. That living a lie each day is not cakewalk! It takes nothing for you to respect another person; who I sleep with and who I can love isn't something I need to be judged about every single day! That I deserve to be happy as much as you do! I never chose to be the way that I am. I wanted it easy, just like you!
I do not have the same luxuries that you have, unlike you I cannot hold the hand of someone I love while I take a walk in the park because everyone would be disgusted that I dared to love. Or I'd be persecuted by cops like a criminal.That it hurts to know that no matter how educated or qualified or successful I am, I'll always be that faggot that you'll joke about, even if I turn a deaf ear to your juvenile but still hurtful comments.
It takes nothing at all to be respectful of others. If you cannot be respectful at the very least please let people live their lives out the best way they can without interfering for no good reason. Loving someone is not a crime even if the law of the land says that it is!
I am tired of wearing a mask.
Wish I could tell everyone that sometimes life drags me down to the point I sometimes question why I'm even here? Significant other doesn't want to hear me and recently lost his job making him take all of his frustrations out on me because he has no money and can't save to save his life. Every week I work 40+ hours and have nothing to show for it...I can hardly support us and he takes my hard work lightly and doesn't appreciate anyththing anymore. I'm stressed I'm tired I'm broke and I have nobody to really listen to the struggles I'm facing. I feel so lost and I just want it to all go away there is just to much going on in my life I'm about to loose it!
I also wish I could tell everybody that I'm not really that shy- I just get uncomfortable in places where there's a lot of loud people, it's just overwhelming. I still want to meet new people and make new relationships though...
I wish I could tell everybody that I'm not happy that I want to die everyday no matter how hard o try I wish I wouldn't wake up in the morning
@Depressedfreak1 I feel the same way! It hasn't gotten better in a long time. But I guess losing hope is the one thing that we can't do. I have personally known people for whom things have gotten better over time. Here's wishing that they will for us as well. I read a line of poetry once that said no matter how dark the night, the morning will come, we just need to wake up when it does!
@neatTangerine2300 it's really hard to wake up I've been like this for 7 years
@Depressedfreak1 That is a long time! I haven't been suffering for as long as you have and I can only imagine how horrible that must be.Mornings are the worst! We can only take baby steps is what I am told and that's exactly what I'm trying.
@neatTangerine2300 me to I'm trying my hardest
@Depressedfreak1 I know you are! All of us are. That's why we are here! It's good to just be around people that understand and don't judge. Lots of love to you my friend!
@Depressedfreak1 I was like that for over 20 years. It took finally getting serious about changing my life to actually improve. Getting a psychiatrist and trying medication is what I needed because everything else just didn't work by itself. I'm very happy now, pretty positive, and found the love of my life. If I could get out of depression, anyone can. I was so deep in depression that I could not go near anything with an edge that could cut. I could barely cut my food without thinking of ways to end my life. I would look at just about anything and think up ways it could be used to kill myself. Like I said, you can get out of this because if I can anyone can if you actually put forth an effort.
That I am really paranoid about social media and them collecting your information. I trust nothing in this world.
That on another forum, the admin from hell removed my privileging privileges for bullshit reasons having to do with power and control. I was told to wait whilst they "discussed it" and after a month no response. So I told them to bugger off.
That a friend of mine no longer talks to me partially due to a coke problem and I sent this person an email today that will no doubt piss them off. And that I love them so much I cannot bear the thought of losing them to this drug and their denial of their issue.
That almost everyone I've encountered in my life is just a bully on some level and I am fucking tired of battling bullies . I need to move which is near damn impossible in my situation, but the triggers from the past have almost destroyed my mental health.
That I'm tired of the same dark thoughts and flashbacks. They suck.
That nothing in this life is OK and never will be b.c. the powers of evil are the only ones that seem to ever win.
That personally if we go to war and the world gets blown up in my present mood I don't much care. It would be a relief to get out of this brain.
That almost everyone I meet sucks except for like a handful of ppl. I think it's ninety to ten, the ratio I have in my head now. Ninety percent drank the kool-aid and live to be prats, the other ten percent are still trying to love themselves, others, the earth, do the right thing. Most are just blind and ignorant and cruel reflexively and b.c. it shores up their sense of power. They don't care about you and never will.
This is my list, and it's all bullshit, just like life at present. If my friend dies, I will go fucking insane.