I wish I could tell everybody that...

I wish people would know how great of a writer I am and I wish they would admit that my books are great

But I also wish that I would be stop wishing because that will never happen.

That I'm in depression but that doesn't mean I'm not functional or its a way to cover I'm lazy. That still being on treatment doesn't mean I'm a ticking bomb and when I say I want to work I really mean it. I need the opportunity to prove myself and to others that I'm able to do what I study for, even after those years when I got stock due to my illness

I wish I could tell everybody:

"I see that because you held on, your future turns out spectacular!"

@mylifeaseva

I am worth all the flaws and more. If I could change enough for people to love me I would. All you need to know is that I am not just a package of faults.

I crave company but also solitude. Being single and alone doesn't scare me as much ad it used to

That I am non binary, and that I crave constant physical touch and without it I pretty much shut down

My inner world has been the hardest to bear, and very few see it. I may look strong from the outside, and you may know of some of my trials, tribulations and trauma; you don't know what it's been like to go through it all. To lose hope and find it again and lose it once more. To be broken and barely given a chance to mend. To move on, utterly spent, hopeless, lost, melancholic, bereft. To continue existing has been the hardest thing to do at times.

Sure, people might look at me from the outside and see success. Or strength. Or be envious of my hard work ethic or my achievements.

But you truly do not know how hard it was for me.

You do not know how deeply I have loved. How harshly I have lost. How my world has been so isolated and alone. How hard life has been.

But I wouldn't want you to either. Because, in knowing, you would be where I am feeling this. And I woudn't want to put you through that.

I wouldn't want anyone to go through that.

But so many people do.

And we are all finding each other now.

Hello.

That I am not okay right now.....just because I've always done well does not mean I'm happy, just because I always look happy does not mean that I am, just because I look confident does not mean that I'm not faking it, just because I look put together does not mean I'm not a complete mess inside, just because everything in my life seems okay to you does not mean that I'm not crying everyday, or wishing that I just disappear.......

I wish I could share the miracles and amazing dreams I have with everyone, but not everyone is open enough to appreciate such shares. I learned the hard way that I have to be very selective with who I share those experiences with.

i'm really not okay and I just wish that was okay. i just wish i didn't always feel like i have to be on guard or fix something or protect myself or do something for somebody. i wish i could just be. i wish i could just exist and feel how i feel and that would be fine, and people wouldn't take it from me, they wouldn't aggressively attack me, they wouldn't put me through weird trials based on how i've made them feel. why can't i just exist without the world having an issue with that? i just want to feel okay, and for things to get better. that's all i want. I know i'm the one in charge of that, nobody else. Maybe things will get better. It's just extremely hard sometimes. They keep saying I have a lot of people behind me. It feels like hate.