Conscious, honest and open minded guidance needed

Thoughts and emotions out of sync and I’m trying to hold myself together lately…if I fall and don’t roll with the flow of life I’ll break and I can’t keep putting myself together …I keep losing pieces of myself..if there is anyone with a honest and or professional opinion I could share my current place in life or even start from the bottom and root of my issues ..I just want to solve problems within and stop creating more; the same in reality and life and in others …those around me seem to suffer if I’m not here as the genuine kind happy me ..I don’t need happiness constantly nor peace…I seek understanding and awareness… anyone care to lend a shoulder and a different view or a possible check in reality …I could be gaslighting myself for all I know or my sesnses and radar are are accurate and my feelings and or thoughts are valid and accurate and on point…please if someone can shed some light on the darkness and help me find the balance I seek in life feeling lost lately.