Desperately escaping my mind

I have been clinically depressed for what feels like my entire life. I cannot remember a time where I didn't feel angry, betrayed, sad and/or guilty. As of July 1st I am married to a man who has lied to me about chatting with other women AND thrown me into a set of barstools in a drunken rage. I am everything I mocked in my youth, a codependent alcoholic jester like my mother.

I need someone to talk to, who has at least a vague understanding of alternative lifestyles and depression. If you knew me you would know that even reaching out anonymously like this took a fair amount of self coaching. I'm hoping it pays off.

Age 26, Washington state female.