Fancy a challenge..? - too full of myself to focus on loved ones, trouble understanding social issues
Hi there. I think I'll need someone relatively grown-up here (25+ I imagine, but it depends of course), with lots of empathy, and with insight in how relationships/friendships work and may be fixed after things went wrong, and I don't really know. I feel like there's just too much going on inside me and with my relationships, I'm pretty overwhelmed. I've lost my best friends because they didn't feel seen and understood by me; they are even keeping the door open for me to come back if I manage to do something to re-establish our friendship, but I have no clue what that would be. All my attempts just ended up alienating them further, because they felt like I didn't manage to focus on them rather than on how bad I'm feeling and how much I'm struggling. It seems like I very badly need empathy and deep understanding for my issues, but I'm getting very little of it otherwise. This has been going on for several months now, and I'm exhausted. I'm not completely clueless when it comes to social stuff in general, but clueless enough to often fail at mutual long-term friendships. So I guess the people that stick around are those that desperately need to be taken care of themselves - I'm glad to help as much as I can, but it's also been burning me out since I've lost the ones who were able to give *me* support. I'm trying to get into therapy, but that'll take approximately forever. For now, I'm diagnosed with moderate depression and I apparently show some (though possibly not "enough") relatively mild symptoms of an autism spectrum disorder and/or BPD, probably some other fun stuff as well... I've been told I'm very anxious, though I'm not sure about that. Oh, I might also have alexithymia (trouble identifying emotions) :P Does anyone think they can help me with some of all that stuff?
@hereigoagain
Hello.
Well its a handful but will try.
So without knowting the nature of your friendships and what cracked those friendships (you mentioned not being seen or understood by you - which is ironic, because you also feel troubled probably because they don't see and understand your situation). As a loose general rule though, males bond better through acitivities (so invite to go out and do stuff) while females bond better through talking (so invite to somewhere or something that that is conducive have conversations).
BUT before you get on with others you have to get on with yourself 1st. So you're getting treatment so thats good althugh it may be delayed. This is the time to go onto the internet box and look for tips, tricks, home remedies, mental exercises or whatnot to keep your emotions and/or issues under control. Unless, you have a strong will and can power through and ignore all the other things happening in your head.
Cos really, you need a clear head for maitaining relationships, even moreso for repairing them. Or you could just dump all of that and get new friends entirely. Hey, just spitballin'. Take whichever you feel is good and leave the rest.
All the best.
@exampligratia
I was actually looking for a listener to chat with in more depth, but thanks for your input and encouragement!
..."you mentioned not being seen or understood by you - which is ironic, because you also feel troubled probably because they don't see and understand your situation" - This is spot on, though they would tell you that I was the one who stopped seeing and understanding them first, and I guess they are right. The rest of the situation is too complex for general rules, but again, thank you for trying. It's good to see that someone cares at least.