I dont know what wrong

I dont know what to do i am usually happy. I am the friend that helps friends. I am the structure within my family. I can help everyone but i cant help myself. This is the time of year (even without thinking about it) that i feel im better off dead. Nothing happened. I dont feel sad. My dad died around this time four years ago, but typical im not sad about that. I loved my dad with all my heart but I understand being sad wont bring him back. I do miss him but that cant be the cause because this started before he was dead. I just get so down on myself. Im not good enough. Im only 23 and going nowhere in life. I have no passions and frankly no will to live.... i dont know whats wrong with me. All i do know is i will never be right. Im destin for suicide its only a matter of time until i get it right. BUT thats just sad me talking when im "happy" suicide is still there i can just find maybe one reason not to....... but i need more. I need something to live for. I dont know how you can but please help