I hope somebody can help, please?

This is really difficult for me to write, for reasons that will hopefully be understood once I've written it. Basically, at the moment, I feel like I can't really talk about anything with anyone. There are listeners who I've told about some personal things, but I find that there are so many things I can't talk about with anyone.

There's a lot on my mind but I find that I can't talk about it... It's difficult to put into words, but I feel like I need to focus on it all at the same time and if I talk about one thing, it'll be too easy to forget what else is bothering me. Not in a way that it will be gone, but I don't want to painfully remember it an hour later.

I can't talk about anything with anyone and I'm seeing a psychologist in two daysfor the first time so I'll have to talk, which concerns me a lot. Even just trying to focus on this long enough to write it is very difficult for me... I'm not sure what I should be trying to do? I guess there isn't really any way anyone can help except to support me (which isn't really helping at the moment, anyway).

I also don't know how I'm feeling at the moment; I'm constantly all over the place. When I'm happy, I convince myself that I just need to try to feel better and I feel really happy and am radiating positive vibes everywhere. But when I'm sad, I'm really really bad and think of really bad things. When I feel better, I also feel guilty for how I've been feeling and end up withdrawing from everything I've seeked support from while feeling bad... Is this weird?

Sorry for going on about stupid things. Thankyou to anyone who tries to help me with anything