Looking for advice.
I'm very unhappy in my married and good friends of mine say I am being abused emotionally and being controlled. While I wouldn't go that far I am very unhappy and extremely stressed. I feel as though I'm a single parent who just happens to be married. He still sleeps with his ex wife whenever he feels like it because we agreed to an open marriage. I have not been allowed that kind of "time" though. My husband is very happy with how things are right now but I've never been really been happy though I did love him. I no longer feel love towards my husband but I don't want to hurt him either. I feel my marriage is killing me emotionally and physically. How do I bring up my desire to get out and bring my health and heart back to how it should be? I should add I'm not leaving my husband for someone else and I will be taking our kids with me.
@MommaBear90
Regardless of what name people define your relationship, you seem to be hurting. Someone who cares for you should notice; sadly some people are not that perceptive. What do you think might happen if you let your partner know what was upsetting you? I respect the fact that you don't want to cause in pain-- that is quite commendable. Perhaps rather than talking with him, write a letter (neither blaming him nor yourself). Leaving a letter allows you to really think about what you want to say without being interrupted and it gives him the opportunity to 'digest' the information without feeling confronted.
Only you can answer this. If things were to change, would you want to stay? Do you think enough is able to change so you can have the well deserved happiness we all deserve?
Be brave!
@JeffWM
I have talked to him about how I feel and how he treats me. He doesn't see why I have an issue and doesn't see a problem at all other than I need to be more receptive to how HE shows he cares. He doesn't understand why I get so hurt when he says things just to hurt me. Or when he ignores me and leaves me to do all the work while he games. Talking and telling him this for 6+ years and while things got better the last 3 years it hasn't changed in any significant way other than he doesn't yell often anymore.
@MommaBear90
hello, :)
it take lots of courage reaching out for help and to seek advice. Congratulations!
At the end of the day no matter what others say you have to do what gives you peace of mind and happiness.
I have couple of questions for you. What is keeping in your marriage at this time? Are you financially independent? When you agreed to have open marriage, what did it meant to you? What are you expections from him?
@KarinehFarahmandRPNccpcpr
I am not financially independent but I have a safety net willing to help me get on my feet and help me get to a point where I can support myself and my kids. I'm staying right now because my son is in school and pulling him out right now would be harder on him than changing schools next year. He's only 6. I expect from my marriage respect, help in caring for the kids and house, and to be a partner and loved. I don't feel I get any of those things at all. As for the open marriage I almost left him 3 years ago for these exact reasons but he asked if we could open our marriage and see how that went. He was happier but I wasn't I agreed to try to make him happy and keep our marriage together. I ended up enjoying it after a couple years but I've never met or slept with anyone other than my husband where he has been with his ex wife numerous times even before we opened. I feel like I'm a second class citizen in my own home and even the children are starting to treat me that way.
@MommaBear90 it sounds to me that you already know what you what, what you are not getting out of your marriage, and also you have the last many years evidence of your relationship not changing for better.
Beside not wanting to interrupt your son's school attendance, is there anything holding you back? Are you afraid of your husband in anyway? Are you not sure how he will react to your decision? Do you feel safe?
Correct me if I am wrong, but I sense fear, and some quilt and shame in your message. Not sure why though.
@MommaBear90
Well, you can insist that he attend. That is a difficult ultimatum to make. Again, I wish I had something smart to say. Perhaps, if he won't go with you, you might want to consider going on your own.
