Looking for someone to tell me what's wrong with me.

Ive always been more inclined towards sadness, I know that. Recent years, I feel like it's worsening. I am constantly comparing myself to my peers, I feel sad and incompetent when I don't do as well as them. I feel sad my family is not as fun as theirs, I feel sad my family is not as rich theirs, I feel sad that they can be happy and I'm not. I can appear/feel happy on good days (about 2 weeks a month perhaps), any other time it's just sadness, grumbles, dissatisfaction with my life. I try to internalise all of these but I know it affects people, especially my husband and I know it's very repelling. I pray to be better, be happier, be more thankful all the time. I want to be better for myself, for people around me. I want to know how to choose happiness. I didn't used to be like that. Am I depressed? Low self esteem? Whats wrong with me? Professional help is out of the question cause I don't live in a place where psychological help is readily available/affordable.