Mom of daughter with ADHD/OCD/anxiety

Hi there :). Thanks for sharing with us what’s been on your mind.

It sounds to me like you feel like you’re having a really difficult time trying to provide adequate, real, and loving support to your daughter suffering from symptoms characterizing disorders like ADHD and OCD (the latter of which I suffer from) and who is experiencing anxiety at such a young age.

First, it should be noted that your concern for your daughter’s emotional well-being sounds characteristic of a truly loving and caring parent. Every parent deals with a fear on some level that they aren’t doing a good enough job providing for their child in some way - that’s par for the course, so your concern in and of itself should be reassuring that you truly love your daughter and want her to feel better.

Secondly, you mention possibly being on the spectrum which can understandably affect your ability to be emotionally supportive and transparent with her. I definitely hear what you’re saying, and that does sound like a legitimate challenge, certainly one which can make you feel overwhelmed as you describe. You aren’t alone at all as I said above when it comes to parents who find it difficult in some way to ensure that their child is getting everything they need.

While my opinion isn’t one which should be terribly relevant to you, it is my belief that a fitting parent isn’t a perfect parent. On the contrary, a fitting parent is one who does make mistakes and learns from them - one with a beating heart, not a machine who parents based on algorithms and views their child more of a burden of a responsibility (even if they outwardly wouldn’t admit that they feel that way) than a child to love and care for. Being a fitting parent means finding parenting hard. Being a fitting parent means screwing up and not wanting to do things, whatever they may be, for your child. But above all, being a fitting parent is experiencing all of these and still doing their best to give their child everything they need to grow, succeed, and feel loved. So, in short, it sounds to me like you are a fitting parent, very much so, just that you’re going through a struggle which many, many other parents do.

As for what you can do, I can only offer potential suggestions. What you do is always up to you and only you. For one, if you feel like you may be unable at the moment to provide what you feel is adequate emotional support for your daughter, you might think about speaking with a psychologist or other mental health professional who can guide *you* along your own journey. When our own problems are sorted out, we can more easily help others with theirs. That’s just an idea though, and you can let me know of your thoughts.

I admire your love for and dedication to your daughter. She is lucky to have you as a parent! I hope that you only find support and assistance in this difficult time of yours.

All the best :),

ShneurZ