Stalking and how to deal
Hi, so I had a neighbor (this was pre pandemic), Let's say her name is Ellie. Anyway, Ellie seemed like a fun person at first. I live in a small town and thought being friendly with neighbors would be a good thing. I'm maybe half her age, and I've lost both my parents so of course that feeling of missing having a "mother figure" sometimes creeps in. Anyway, after the one time I went to her place for coffee, she started texting me ALOT. She wanted to be best friends. Okay so yeah, doesn't sound invasive right? Just seemed to me like someone who wanted to be friends. Next thing I know, everytime I leave the house she would pop out of her place (she was one of the few tenants with a screen door) and try to ask to hang out or stop in or whatnot. Then she started leaving things on my doorknob, things I didn't want or need or care about. Then she started talking to my husband and actually overstepped her boundaries into looking up his moms obituary and trying to be part of our personal lives right while things were very upsetting. I started to get upset because things like that are personal. I do understand her gestures were very nice but just too much. It started to get to the point where neither of us could leave the house without escaping a long conversation with her. It felt like no matter if I tried to sneak out of my apartment, she knew. She would ask why our car was at home. She started asking favors that were super ridiculous for us to come over. She would ask my husband why he was leaving the house! It was horrible because I eventually was too scared to leave my apartment. In the end, she moved, thank goodness for us... though, I had never thought to deal with the stress that came with that whole experience? Any tips on it? Thanks to anyone who can help me. I currently have someone who won't leave me alone online so it triggered these memories of her...
@raininglillies13
That sounds like a stressful situation that you went through. I can imagine how difficult that was. I can understand why the recent online situation triggered some of these feelings that you had while going through that with your neighbor and her lack of respect for your boundaries.
I can tell you are a really thoughtful, caring, and considerate person. I am sorry to hear about the loss of your parents. I can understand wanting to have a connection that you have missing.
I had something a little bit similar happen to me years ago, it also ties in with me losing someone very dear to me before that. This is where I often think back to that question where people ask, “What would you tell your younger self?”. I would tell her how important boundaries are. For me, this helps me handle situations like this where someone else is pushing or demanding things that feel like it’s crossing a line. I am not sure if this is a similar case or would be helpful for you. There is really quality material out here on the subject just in case this is of interest: https://www.7cups.com/boundaries/
@FlourishingDimensions
Hi, thank you so much for your comment, I really appreciate it!! I will most definitely go check out the link you replied with! Thank you for that! Sorry to hear you've lost someone close as well, it's always hard. I can tell you are very caring as well and thank you for helping me out with this. It is triggering and not something someone is really prepared for. I do think that's a good idea to ask myself what I would tell my younger self especially since alot of pain I feel roots from childhood and not dealing with it the proper way. I do need to work on boundaries for sure it will help. Thanks again so much!!!!
@raininglillies13
Thank you as well, sending you good vibes!
Take care :)
