Feelings
Tell me how you feel right now, it will feel good to get it off your chest loves
Lost and confused, I didnt even notice that I slowly became so absent. I'm so ashamed of the damaged caused and my inability to be consistent on self improvement.
I am feeling positively exhausted. I say positively because
I am currently in a stage of healing. As most of you know, healing is not easy - far from it actually. Therefore, I am exhausted knowing I am doing something good for myself and acknowledging that I am changing for the better.
😪@PrettyRose75 so sick! Just drained entirely!
depressed, anxious, mad, upset
@PrettyRose75 I feel broken I don’t know how to describe it. I feel left out and alone although I know I’m loved by many. I don’t know that I am or can’t fathom the fact I am I do t know how to deal with my feelings I don’t understand how I can mess up hurt someone and they can be happy and me be upset when I hurt them and they did nothing to me. I don’t get how people are happy, or how people talk about things. I constantly feel like I’m a bother and I’m just around to fill the space. I wanna be alone but I wanna be held, I wanna be in bed but my head wants to Roam. My body doesn’t wanna move but my heart keeps racing. Things don’t make sense to me and the way I process it doesn’t feel normal, the way I think about things over and over again and try to analyze them and figure them out so I can heal just puts me in a deeper bind surrounded by more and more walls.
Lonely. Depressed. I've tried to talk to people and develop healthy relationships but people are so selfish and fake. I wish I could find someone real who cares.
@PrettyRose75
I can't say I'm feeling too bad right now. But I'm a little down anyway.
Yesterday there was a university BBQ that I attended. I've been looking forward to it for a while already. They had awesome vegan food planned and a fancy juice bar. I can't usually afford things like that. And I don't have many opportunities to make social contacts. So I was really looking forward to having a nice evening with good food and friendly people.
But mere minutes in, I started having a sensory overload (I have autism). People started playing various ball games like soccer and ping-pong. For some reason ball games have always been one of my worst triggers, because of the fast movements and the "thuds" of the balls. I tried irgnoring it and pushing through, but not even 20 minutes later I had to bolt it out of there. I was holding back tears from the distress and I didn't want to embarrass myself and my one friend that invited me in the first place.
On my way back home I felt super pathetic and sad that I didn't get to eat any of the delicious foor or that I didn't get to have any fun with the people there. And I'm still sad about it today. If it wasn't for those stupid game equipments I could have had a fun experience for once, but I didn't calculate it in and got smacked over the back of the head.
I don't know when or if I'm going to get another chance like that. Probably not this year.
Idk, I'm just sad and disappointed in myself. It was such a bummer and I wanted to participate.
Tired, so tired. But I have things to do, so one step at a time.
@PrettyRose75
Honestly, depressed with full of regrets for my actions with my family whom I do trust. Feel like I am detached from the world. How are you feeling?
