Am I showing admiration or obsession or something else?

Its been a few years but long ago I was alone and depressed, and I dont know why but their is this artist on social media that I just kinda clicked with. I grew to admire them I think (i don't know if its admiration or something else.) But I wanted to get to know them better or even maybe be friends with them. I dont know where or why but I got them art of their original characters maybe to show my admiration to them or something. Then later on I was talking to one of their friends and asked them if they could help me to get to know them better (they said no.) I know ive made mistakes and made myself look bad. But for them to help me out the way they did. I just wanted to get to know them. But now ive messed up and im now blocked and banned from them. Maybe I would have such a strong connection with them if my ex forced me to completely put them out of my life for a year.