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Book Review - Codependent No More by Melody Beattie

User Profile: ZenArashi
ZenArashi September 22nd

I recently read Codependent No More by Melody Beattie, and one idea stayed with me: caring for someone and taking responsibility for someone are not the same thing.

Codependency can happen when we become so focused on another person’s emotions, problems, needs or choices that we begin neglecting our own well-being and boundaries. Sometimes what feels like helping can slowly become rescuing, overgiving or feeling responsible for keeping someone else okay.

Here are four things I took away from the book:

1. You are responsible for yourself.
We can support people, but we cannot fix them or make their choices for them. Each of us has to take responsibility for our own life and well-being.

2. Don’t guilt-trip others to meet your expectations.
People have different responsibilities, capacities and ways of showing care. Someone not responding when or how we want doesn’t necessarily mean they don’t care. 

3. Get the right support.
Friends can listen, encourage and stay beside us, but they are not mental-health professionals. When we need more than friends can reasonably provide, seeking appropriate professional support is part of taking care of ourselves.

4. Focus on your own growth and healing.
Instead of putting all our energy into changing other people, we can ask: What can I do for myself? What choices can I make? What support do I need?

The biggest reminder I’m taking from this book is simple:

🌿 You can care deeply about someone without carrying everything for them.

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User Profile: Amanda84
Amanda84 September 22nd

@ZenArashi

This is a powerfully beautiful article.

Well written.

And very important.

Thank you so much for sharing 🩷 

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User Profile: ZenArashi
ZenArashi OP September 22nd

@Amanda84

Thank you 🙏🏼 

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