Broke boy was here

Im not using cups anymore. I think i got as much as ill get out of the platform and i definitely appreciate it, but i have to break the habit of talking to people who dont like me lol. 

It just doesnt make sense for me at my current age to sit around and give energy to people who literally couldnt care less if they ever see me again. 

My body and mind are pretty much demanding that i actually form real connections with people at this point, hghtened anxiety, stress, trust issues. These are all symptoms of isolation. 7 cups fools me into thinking i can be ok with just this when my mind and body are clearly saying "NOOOO". It just isnt healthy. 

This site was awesome when i was in survival mode tho and i did get alot of help, but im leaving this here as a reminder to myself so that i cant deny what i need to do. 

It really is a great site. i appreciate whoever created it and i appreciate the people on here with good vibes and the ones who took it seriously. i honestly feel like alot of people here i could of genuinely been close friends with irl. 

I had a habit of getting overly introspective on here so ill do that one last time.

Some thoughts:

Were miseducated by society to falsely conclude that emotions are not an effective tool for gathering information and assessing data. We're taught that logic is more reliable than emotions. Facts over feelings is what people like to say. But without feelings your just a robot, and robots dont have the ability to make their own decisions. Your emotions are your compass, they tell you were your going and if the waters are safe. Without them youll be lost. It's normal to be numb, its how your mind protects you from overwhelming emotions in a moment of crisis, but if you prolong your numbness whether it be through drugs, alcohol or entertainment, youll find yourself in a position where you feel lost. You need to be able to access your emotions to know what you need to do next. without them your in the middle of the ocean without a compass. directionless and at the mercy of the storms you cant ignore. I noticed that in life and relationships what would help me the most is just using my emotions. React when they give me warnings and directions, if someone makes me upset i should take that as a message that this is something thats not good for me or that i dislike, ill at least know what i dont want if i get into the habit of doing that more often. I also need to be able to tolerate negative emotions, because they are a tool for gathering information. If your scared to get hurt, youll never know what hurts you. But the second you get hurt, get the f away from that thing lol. 

with relationships 

its hard to leave bad ones because you want them to acknowledge your investment 

this is where the fantasy of flexing on your ex comes from

you want them to acknowledge that you were someone worthy of investing in 

because you feel like if you could prove that you were worthy of investing in, if you could prove your value 

they would perhaps try to invest in you, and your initial investment wouldn't have been such a waste. Its sunk cost fallacy in action.

but the thing is they are a waste of energy in every sense of the word, a pure liability, 

like a payday loan, you get nothing back from paying on time except the opportunity to lose more money and ruin your credit. 

the only person who can acknowledge your investment is you and the way you acknowledge it, is by walking away the second they become a liability to your peace and your growth.

To future me,

Log off ***