Communication
This is something that I am not good at. Oh, I do all right in an academic sense (I've passed all my online classes in the degree I'm pursuing right now. I actually was relieved that there was more writing than interaction with other students) and I do well when writing prose or poetry (although I haven't done that in a while) but communicating on a personal level is difficult.
Years ago I came to the decision that voicing an opinion was useless because others generally didn't accept it or I was invariably told I was wrong or people ignored me so what was the point in saying anything?
I've been constantly dealing with this at my current job (the main reason why I'm pursuing a degree because I don't want to be there any longer than I have to). Yesterday I got shown a new way of saving customer information. Basically I have to copy the information from one program to Excel making new tabs for each type of information. One tab for the general information, one for deposits, one for withdrawals, etc. Then I have to make a Word document and copy the information I put on a report into the document.
This isn't hard but when you have over three hundred customers to go through, it is tedious and time-consuming. That and the fact that I have five other reports that I have to do every single day, daily assignments, etc. And they expect me to get all this done in roughly twenty-five days (at least the monthly reports. I have less time for the daily ones).
I'm afraid I showed my frustration to the lead that was showing me this yesterday and I said I would go back and fix all the ones I've done before. The lead said not to bother but I said that they were wrong, weren't they? I'm sure this will probably be construed as insubordination and since the last time my actions were viewed as insubordination (thanks to favoritism and gossip), I've tried extremely hard not to say anything to anyone and not to have an opinion on anything.
It's just annoying. I feel like I'm expected to be more like a machine than anything else. As I said, these extra steps are not particularly difficult but it adds tedium to everything else. The leads claim it makes things more efficient and they claim that having everything in Excel will cut down on data but we already have to save the same thing in numerous places. And having things in Excel won't necessarily save space. Some customers I have show up every month. Am I going to have to tack on new tabs every time they appear on a report? Also, Excel isn't always reliable. I've had it crash for no reason on me before which is annoying because then I have to bring numerous spreadsheets up again and if I haven't remembered to save prior to the crash, I have to put the information in all over again.
I've been having problems with the File Explorer thanks to the new VPN connection that the company put in but doesn't work. I'm actually using the old one until IT removes it but I've never had File Explorer lose connection with the drives and network prior to this newest addition. This deciding on new methods without thinking about possible ramifications is a common theme for the company I work for. One of the people in another department told me he's tempted to look for another job because of the difficulties he's been having in his department. If I wasn't in the middle of school, I'd consider revamping my resume too.
It's just double standards. On one hand, the company wants you to communicate but on the other hand, they don't want you to communicate or they want only certain people to communicate. Like this new method of doing things. The lead told me they informed a few of this change and were planning to have a meeting to inform everyone of the change. They've been mentioning this mythical meeting for a few months and never have any. And things I mention like a uniform way of maintaining the customer's files (which I've mentioned at least five times) gets noted and then no action taken. That's another thing that slows me down. I have to go in and change customer's files. Like IDs. They just have it as ID. A license and a passport are not the same as an ID. Also, before I started updating customer IDs (at least the ones who showed up on my reports), there were at least six that were expired last year. This meant that people are not actively checking IDs even though they're supposed to.
Of course, I can't bring this up. If I do, I'm perceived as argumentative or I get the "We'll address this" and then nothing happens.
This ended up being longer than intended and I'm sure the sheer length will put people off. Another reason why I don't really talk. Most of the time I have nothing to say that others can relate to and online, I can't always tell reactions.
However, back to work, many people seem to have no problem with talking and spend most of their time doing that but that's something I can't mention (yet another thing I got in trouble for months ago). It just gets annoying that some of these people who can spend most of the day talking are the same people who keep piling extra assignments, procedures, etc. on me.
I know I focused mainly on my job as it is the main thorn in my side at the moment, but my aversion to communicating is not localized. I am hesitant to speaking to a few online friends because I have been viewed as troublesome and annoying so I just stay silent. And, I'm not extremely motivated to start any new conversations (one reason why I don't come on here too much) because I have no idea how I will be perceived. If people are going to see me as annoying then I'm better off not saying anything.
@Enthenia Hi. My perception is that you’re very smart. Sometimes in jobs we have to pick our battles. It’s about getting the job done, but it is also about dealing with personalities and egos.
@hopefulPond6108
Thanks. Most of the time it doesn't seem to be worth it. Like at work, it's not worth the effort to say anything because I've been on the short end of the stick before. And, I don't have plans to stay with the company long-term. I had thought I could make this a permanent job but that was before I got railroaded into a write-up with third party statements.
As for other avenues, as I said, I'm extremely hesitant to say anything because I can't always be sure of the other person's reactions. Of course, most of my meager communicating is online as I'm not overly social. It's just things have happened and I've just adapted to it and adapted to silence. Just seems to be easiest to stay out of the fray for the most part since when I do, I generally tend to regret it.
@Enthenia My personal take on communication is that if you use it primarily to make other people feel safe and heard then that builds a bond and eventually opens up space for other’s to hear our ideas. Communication seems to be something like 75% giving the speaking floor to our communication partner and putting in 25% of our own thoughts and feelings out there. Sometimes the 25% doesn’t feel fair, like I’m being “stifled” by my 75/25 “rule”. But, before I came up with that rule, I said very little (in person). People would often comment that I said very little, like it made them uncomfortable. I could only say a lot about a subject I knew a lot about. But people are really interested in talking about themselves. So, if you communicate that your curios about them and how they experience the world, then they make space for you. It’s more about managing our communication partners emotional needs than it is about communicating facts. Anyway, learning those things about communication made it much easier for me to overcome a lot of social anxiety. Maybe I went off on a tangent to your post.
@hopefulPond6108 It's okay to go off on a tangent. Maybe that's part of the problem. I don't like talking about myself. I don't have anything to talk about. On the other hand, I listen well and do offer comments from time to time to people in other departments at work. There are a couple I talk to in my own department but that's before management gets in. I don't want to run the risk of things being misconstrued again. If I just stay silent and stick to my work and agree with whatever the leads say (even if I don't agree) then I don't have to worry about getting in trouble.
As for personal, I've always been an outsider. High school, my first time at college, and I've lost online acquaintances because I've either said too much or said the wrong things so I try to be as neutral as possible. I'd rather not say anything than get someone upset. And, I don't exactly have much free time. Aside from school, I write and attempt to draw (actually went to school for it the first time but quit prematurely because I didn't think I was skilled enough). I have a few people online who look forward to seeing my weekly efforts although I don't know why.
