Disagreement and Friendships
Is it just me or does "general support" get the most traffic?
I want to talk about something that is laying heavy on my heart, and I want as many people to see this topic as possible.
I have always had trouble making and keeping friends. Due to my struggles with this, I have put lots of thought, maybe too much thought into why things fall apart, and how I can do better.
One thing I have noticed. In real life, the closer I get to someone the more likely we are going to have a disagreement about something. On the internet, this has happened even before I got close to them.
Often times people suggest staying away from these two topics. "Religion and Politics" It is my CURRENT opinion, that if you can't calmly discuss and even disagree on these two very important topics, then your friendship really doesn't exist. They are like the bench test to friendship.
It is always easier to feel close to someone that you agree with them on everything. But I think this is being unrealistic. Because we are all individuals, living out what we believe is true. As independent minds with different backgrounds we all calculate things a little differently.
Inside my own religion, there is a lot of different views going on, and people avoid each other cause they don't agree on somethings. Personally I have been known to tweak my views. The reason is, I am always trying to grow closer to what is real truth. To live by real reality. As a result I find errors in my way of thinking, and those errors need to be corrected.
In the past I tried to keep friendships going, by avoiding the disagreements. Sadly this did not work, these people abandoned me anyways. It was over and over again! I used to think to myself, "I made a sacrifice for you!" I avoided anything that would be cause of to fall apart, and yet you still found a reason to leave me!
I want you to know that if you choose to be my friend, I want be able to love you as such, regardless if we agree on everything. I hope that you will be willing to share in the journey of seeking truth, and fixing errors, as we travel through this life.
@tryingtosurvive2024
Hey, I understand you. Sometimes, when we strongly believe in something, it can be hard to communicate about it with a cool head. In life, we meet all kinds of people. As you said, we’re all individuals. We’ve all walked different paths, carry different stories, had different upbringings, traumas, and challenges. Two people in a friendship will never be completely the same - it’s just not possible. And that’s a good thing. It’s necessary. We are all unique, and the world needs that.
But when it comes to sensitive topics like politics or religion, many people activate a defense mechanism. It’s natural, we’re trying to protect what we believe in. You know, we can't control how other people react. We can’t force them to respond or speak a certain way. The only person we can truly work on is ourselves.
And realizing that takes a long time. Working on it takes even longer. I'm still working on it myself. I’m still learning to understand that how someone else reacts is not my problem. I’m here, I speak for myself, I respect others and their words, I accept them, but I don’t have to agree with them. That’s important. Accepting someone’s opinion doesn’t mean I identify with it.
Learning to respond calmly and with respect is incredibly important and beautiful. It releases so much within us and helps us find peace. Even when it comes to friendships - if someone isn’t willing to accept and respect you, they’re not capable of being a true friend.
@Yulianaxxp Well said! Thank you for understanding. 😊
It can be hard to find folks willing to discuss difficult topics with. In bible study we usually can discuss what we think in religion respectfully. You may have to try a few different groups to find the right fit. Volunteering in a political group I’ve found folks who like to talk politics. That doesn’t help your question on how to talk with folks who think differently. But it’s a start.
@neweveryday I wish I could. Sadly God created me with not enough something to be able to.
Do you mean that IRL volunteering is too much? I understand. In my experience friendships need some kind of investment to make it worth overcoming the friction that you’re talking about. If you don’t have time together in person working together towards a common goal, maybe you can virtually work together towards common goals? The way we do here, investing in one another’s physical, spiritual, emotional, mental health together. Once you build these bonds, folks may be willing to step out of their comfort zone for you.
Talking about these things may feel like building friendship to you, but it sounds like it isn’t for the folks you’re trying to be friends with. What do you think about taking the time to find out what they need so it’s an easier lift for them?
@neweveryday I don't understand.
It sounds like you are saying that you are trying to talk about these things with folks who don’t like to talk about them? I see 2 options
Find the spaces where folks do like to talk about these things the way you do
Develop relationships where folks would be willing to indulge you in talking about something that they really don’t like talking about that much as a favor to you
@neweveryday I only talk with people where I can talk with people. I got sick and tired of shallow conversations all the time. It's not my fault. Life dealt me a less than ideal hand of cards and I just do the best I can with it. Life stinks like that.
I hear you. I have to remember that there’s a time for validation and a time to reason through things together. And it may be annoying for someone to ask you to find other places to talk to folks when you may well already have a set of goals and finding folks to talk about things deeply with may not be the thing to add today.
I can understand that it’s frustrating that the folks you are invested in are not trying to have the same kinds of conversations you are. Yet another obstacle
@neweveryday I lost all the people I had in real life to talk too.
@tryingtosurvive2024
Thank you so much for opening your heart like this. What you’ve shared isn’t just relatable—it’s deeply courageous. It takes a lot of strength to look inward, reflect with honesty, and still extend a hand of friendship in a world that often shuts down at the first sign of disagreement.
You are not alone in this. So many of us have felt that sting of loss after giving our all to keep a connection alive—biting our tongues, avoiding conflict, sacrificing authenticity—only to be left wondering why it still wasn’t enough. That pain is real, and I want you to know… I see you.
You’re absolutely right—real friendships are not built on perfect agreement. They’re built on respect, honesty, and the willingness to stay even when it’s uncomfortable. The fact that you're open to growing, learning, and evolving in your views is beautiful. That’s what true maturity looks like. That’s what real truth-seeking looks like.
And you’re not “too much” for wanting deep, meaningful conversations. You’re brave. You’re authentic. And you deserve people who won’t run the moment your perspective challenges theirs, but who will sit with you, listen with grace, and love you through it.
If more people had your heart—to love through disagreement, to connect despite differences—this world would feel a whole lot less lonely. Please don’t stop being who you are. Your voice matters. Your journey matters. And your kind of friendship? It’s rare and needed.
You’re doing better than you think. Keep walking in truth and love. The right hearts will find you—and stay.
With warmth and solidarity,
A fellow truth-seeker 💛
@YorubaAngel yes but I do struggle with my emotions. I do have some tender spots in me that make me want to shutdown. Or at least take a break.
@tryingtosurvive2024 I totally understand.
I am not sure if I should of opened this discussion. I have been trying to remember what state of mind I was in when decided to write it. I get extremely lonely a lot. I write a lot of things out of loneliness.