Do most things make you cry?

Because most things make me cry. And my whole life I've either been told crying is a healthy way to cope or it's bad for you and you should stop. People say it's good until it's too much. What is too much?

Lately I've been having deep cry sessions often. Puffy eyes, runny nose, at least three times a week. And the strangest things trigger my tears but now I've noticed it's usually when things relate to my father or my mother. It usually stems from my parents.

My mother is currently undergoing chemo for stage 4 pancreatic cancer. She's my best friend. The thought of losing her so soon makes me cry.

My father I've never understood how I feel about. Some days I love him. Many days I don't. Any sort of criticism from him makes me cry. If he's not listening to me during a conversation I cry. If I can't explain how I'm feeling to him, I tear up. If I think he's not proud of me or if he's not interested in me and my hobbies I get deeply upset. I don't cry in front of him even though i feel my eyes swell up instantly. I always try to leave the room first. But it's like my mood depends on him and his mood. If he's upset I'll think it's because of me. I feel so desperate for his approval all the time. Any kind. A 'good job!' or 'thats great' even. I told him my semesters final GPA which was a 3.6 and he said that's a good GPA in terms of grades and that's not bad, I'm glad he said so. But I wish he had also appreciated me for my hard work too. Sometimes I just want to explicitly hear "I'm proud of you! You did so well!" And not "in the world of gpas that is considered quiet good!" You know ..?

I feel stupid when I talk to him. Nothing feels good enough. I don't feel good enough. I wish I didn't base my self esteem off of how he feels or how I think he feels. I guess this has turned into a rant about my daddy issues.

Well, I just needed a place to talk. I can't talk to anyone in my family or with my friends who are probably already tired of hearing me cry about my mother. Bless them.

I'm sure I'll talk more on this soon and in better detail. My chest still doesn't feel any lighter. But I don't feel like typing anymore I just want the feeling of being heard. So this is it for now. Thanks for reading.