Feeling Incredibly Low
Last year, I consulted a psychologist because of childhood trauma. I'm not fully healed, there are still questions without answers. Then this year, problems started piling up. By June, I began feeling hopelessness and sadness. By July, I became suicidal. In August, I had my first consultation with my psychiatrist, and the medications helped. However, I could only afford two sessions because I couldn't handle the fees, and my family is also struggling financially. I stopped taking medication this November. The feelings came back, some days, I feel extremely down, and the next day, I feel almost normal. But the saddest part is that I can no longer feel joy.
Whenever sadness strikes, I keep it to myself. I just cry it out in the bathroom. People around me can't really understand what I'm going through. But I chose to keep it to myself because if I don't get the comfort I'm looking for, I just end up feeling even more frustrated and even more down. Right now, I'm feeling incredibly low.
I totally hear you. It sounds like you’re carrying around a lot, and I can imagine how heavy that feels. It’s like trying to walk around with a backpack full of rocks, you’re doing your best to keep moving forward, but it’s exhausting, right? And it’s okay to let out that frustration, even if it’s in the bathroom where no one can see. We all need a private space to let it out sometimes, like crying in the rain so no one notices.
But here’s the thing, you don’t have to carry that backpack alone. I know it feels like people don’t always get it, and that can be isolating, but you’ve already taken some big steps by reaching out before, and that’s something worth celebrating. Maybe it’s not about getting all the answers right now, but just knowing that you’re doing the best you can, one step at a time. It’s okay to have days where you feel low, but don’t let those days trick you into thinking you’re stuck there forever.
Joy might feel like a distant memory, like a piece of fruit just out of reach on a tree, but I promise you, it’s still there. The tree’s not gone, and that fruit is still ripening. It’s okay if you can’t always see it or feel it right now. Healing’s like planting seeds in a garden, you can’t rush it, but eventually, you start to see the little sprouts of growth. Keep nurturing yourself, even on the days when you feel like you’re in the mud. You’re planting the seeds for better days ahead.
You deserve support, you deserve to be heard, and most importantly, you deserve to feel joy again. It’s just sometimes we need to keep walking through the storm, knowing that sunny days are waiting for us on the other side. And hey, I know it feels hard right now, but even the smallest step forward is still progress. Keep going, and if you ever feel like talking, I’m always here. ❤️🙌You’re not alone, even when it feels like it.