I am suffering in anxiety

My name is Jawad, I am 24 years old and from Pakistan. I have been struggling with depression since I was around 14 years old. My father passed away when I was only 11, and since then I have mostly lived with a feeling of loneliness. I completed my graduation during a very difficult time in life, without much emotional support from my family.

I genuinely want peace and stability in life, but unemployment and constant stress sometimes lead me towards suicidal thoughts. I feel mentally and emotionally trapped because in my culture, people see everything through a religious or judgmental lens, and there is very little space for personal freedom.

Sometimes I find myself emotionally or physically attracted to boys, but in my society this is considered extremely wrong, which creates even more pressure and mental burden on me. I am suffering from severe depression and I don’t know how to manage all of this. I really need kind and sincere guidance on what I can do to improve my mental and emotional well-being.