I don't feel ok TW// mention of triggering Contest, consider all your triggers//

Trigger warning// for everything// I'm not naming my trigger warnings as I should, so please consider a trigger warning for all of your personal triggers,

I don't want to make you feel dawn, it's important to me...

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. sorry I don't feel strong like always, I just wanna let some out of my chest.

Im sad I'm going to turn adult, I can't... I don't want to leave teen side of cups... How can stay here without seeing my friendsbin groups? I feel it's unfair, why didn't I join the day I turn 13? Why did I joined cups almost reaching 17?

I hate this loneliness.... I hate this sense of being pathetic out of self hatred. I hate it when I start saying "I hate" over all my challenges...

I hate it when I know stuff aren't "Actually that bad", but my brain start making a big mess out of it..

I hate it every time I behave mean towards my +50 parents ..

I hate it every time I cry and cry, my numbness gets worse and some of my illness also gets awful...

I hate it when I prosaintate or however the dang it is spelled.

I hate it when I have so many typos, it makes me feel embarrassed among younger teens...

I hate it when I see loved ones in pain...

I hate it when I hear bad news from my dear friends on cups...

I hate it when I make a mistake....

I hate it when I start acting like my true self bad things happen...

I hate it when my counselor miss understand me... I hate these side effects of my therapist's meds,

I hate being dizzy, being weak, being vulnerable, losing weight constantly, poor appetite, and more...

I hate it when I think about how awful I spent some of my teen Years...

I feel heartbroken when I think about the 13 old me, when I was drawing a picture, drawing of one of my novel's characters, lightning; who was throwing her favorite carts out in the sea, and her home, the tower, was falling apart in the background...

I hate this days, Wich was spent watching the series over & over again...

I hate it when I behave like this, I don't want my fellow friends on cups to read this... I don't want to lose them, I know some of their pains, I don't want to add my burden on their shoulder.

Maybe if they read these they will feel hopeless, I know some of them call me wise, kind, supportive, calming etc, what if I fail them? What if they look dawn at me? Like I am older than them, but way weaker than they thought....

I don't want my friends to read the last part at all... It could start so much miss understanding...

Dear fellow friends on cups, I love you, I don't want to lose any of you...

I'll probably add later, I feel drained for now...