I'm Tired of Carrying Everything Inside
Today has been one of those days when everything feels like too much. I've been feeling sad, exhausted, frustrated and angry, and I can't even point to one thing and say, "This is exactly what's wrong with me."
Something happened today that frightened me. I found myself in a really dark place emotionally, and it made me realise that I'm not doing as well as I've been trying to convince myself I am.
The hardest part is that I want to talk about what I'm going through, but I'm afraid of talking to people in my life. I'm afraid of the questions that will follow, the attention, the possibility of being reported, and people making decisions about me because of something I shared when I was struggling.
I know people may have good intentions. I know they may genuinely want to help. But sometimes, the thought of what happens after you finally admit you're not okay feels almost as overwhelming as what you're already dealing with.
I don't want to have to explain every feeling, defend why I feel the way I do, or find the right words for something I barely understand myself. I just want to be able to express what is happening inside me without immediately feeling exposed.
I don't know whether I'm afraid of being misunderstood, losing control of my own situation, or having people look at me differently afterwards. Maybe I'm afraid of all of it.
What I do know is that I'm tired. Not just physically tired, but emotionally exhausted in a way that's difficult to explain. I'm tired of feeling so much and not knowing what to do with it.
I want to understand myself. I want to understand why I'm feeling this way and why reaching out feels so difficult when a part of me clearly wants someone to listen.
Has anyone ever struggled with this? Wanting to open up but being afraid of what might happen once you do? Wanting someone to listen, yet feeling frightened by the possibility of being helped?
I don't need anyone to pretend they have all the answers. I'd just appreciate hearing from people who understand how complicated it can feel to admit that you're struggling.
@sensibleKitten1139
Well this is where people come to tell their stories..
You can post like this, talk to listeners and therapists, and talk in chat rooms.
We are very understanding here, feel free to communicate here however you prefer..🌲
Thanks for the reassurance. I really appreciate it.
Hey, what you want to talk about will always be up to you,if it realises some of that fear then talking about some things can only be a step forward as for the rest it's ok to not be ok and not share until your ready. Your totally correct trusting everyone with private matters that you can't share just yet is a human emotion and not everyone should be trusted and finding someone to open up to can seem like a major task and exhausting,when your only looking to take small steps. Me I had to own my past or become someone I didn't want to be.knowing who to trust is a big thing I to have opened up to people in the past I totally shouldn't have and it was used against me so I understand. Separating what your comfortable talking about and what's not ready to be said if I'm making sense is good work. Like this app is always saying small steps. I hope your ok,stay safe.craig.
Thank you so much for this reply, Craig. What you said about learning who is safe to trust really hits home. It is so exhausting when you have opened up in the past and had it turned back around on you. That is honestly why figuring out who to talk to feels like such a huge deal for me right now. I really appreciate you taking the time to share your experience and for reminding me that I can take small steps and hold on to the rest until I feel ready. I hope you are doing well too, stay safe.
This just re appeared after I tried to click on it this morning. Anytime, honestly. It's only true and trust is the most important thing we can place in people. I totally get where you are coming from and your brave to even say out loud that your struggling with trust what you don't want to say incase things change and to not want to be taken away from where you are comfortable.l because of how you feel it will be taken. You are the most important to you please never forget that
Thank you
Hey, i have always been a skeptical person by nature. So naturally, i dont usually vent oout my problem to just anyone, even my closest people. Not that i dont wanna open up, its the fact that knowing even if i open up, i will get disappointed. So it's a valueable skill to learn to understand what type of people you are dealing with, what to say and what not to. For me it feels quite easy and natural, i can read people quite well and gets better the more i interact with people. But i dont know about you. So you might wanna meditate on that, thinking and doing resarch on how to get better at understanding the nature of people. Knowing who is sincere and who is taking advantage of you, who is sharing the same values and who is not. Best of luck.
I totally understand everything you mentioned. I’ve felt the same way before and have struggled with this for years…decades. It feels like if I talk to someone and just brain dump everything it’s going to open up a whole can of worms…and that thought alone is terrifying and exhausting. I don’t necessarily have friends or family that I can share with or want to share with because it feels like that will just further exacerbate or cause more stress on me. It’s tough and it feels like quicksand some days.
Outside of finding a counselor that I truly trust and connected with (and seeing them on a weekly basis), I have really tried to find ways to take control of my spiraling thoughts. I’ve been trying to listen to audiobooks…not necessarily self help psychology but I got turned on to the Shaolin monks and the audio book Shaolin Spirit. I know this sounds kind of out there, but it addresses how you control your own thoughts and how to let go and be at peace…I know this is a bad description but I can’t really come up with the words to describe it. I had tried numerous other modern day psychology self help and relationship books and they never really landed with me, but this did.
I also think that finding an outlet to vent is important (such as 7cups), and for me helps bridge the gap between my therapy sessions.
Most importantly, know that what you’re feeling isn’t crazy, everyone has their own demons and their own struggles. It’s hard, it sucks but it is and will be ok.
