I'm breaking

Hey everyone, just looking for recommendations for what I should do about my situation. 

I met a girl last year. She was freshly out of an engagement, and I wasn't looking for anything more than friends. We got close and I started to feel something, but after a couple of weeks, she said she and her fiance were going to try again. It didn't work out. She became confused, and he wasn't really putting in the effort she needed. She gave him an ultimatum, but ultimately broke it off before then. 

So we continued talking. I admitted I liked her. One day she came to me crying saying we should only be friends, nothing more, but I prodded and she admitted she liked me too. I told her not to give up on that. My mistake, I guess.

We became the very best of friends, spending most of the days together, sometimes just talking all day with very little sleep. Eventually she started telling me we were more than friends. When we'd cross into sexual territory, it was great, but it wouldn't be long after she'd say we were moving too fast. So I was more than willing to back off. It continued this way for months. We never called ourselves official. She was still recovering from her 2 year engagement, even though she told me I validated her in ways he never did, and that she wished she'd met me first. But I did everything I could for her. She has many health issues, so I began to help her out with those, getting her to doctors, etc. 

I hit a financial rough spot and told her we needed to cut back on the more frivolous things and stick to the more important ones. I feel this sort of triggered something. She has a bad homelife (still lives with her family), and really wanted to get out of there. And I really wanted that more than anything. We had even begun discussing wedding plans. 

Then she had an incident where she was sexually assaulted. She changed a lot after that. She became very closed off and less affectionate, which is understandable. I didn't push her for anything. She stopped talking as much, we stopped seeing each other as much. I would see her online status, but she wouldn't say much to me. She would tell me she was talking to her best friend, another girl. 

Then one day she randomly tells me she doesn't really want this to go further. She says she only told me those things to make me happy, and only thought she wanted something with me. She told me with the way her life is right now, she can't handle a relationship at all and can't be with anyone. The thought of being with a man after what happened disgusts her. I was broken, but I understood. I tried to just be friends for a month, though I was breaking.

Then one day I accidentally saw something she posted on a forum, about how her fiance had just ghosted her after talking wedding plans. Apparently, they reconnected during the time span she began to change toward me. I asked her about it, and though she confirmed it was her username, she acted like it was just a similar account and not something she wrote. I pretended to go along with it, knowing she was lying. She told me she didn't thinks he could handle a friendship with someone with feelings for her, and now she felt like she was being "watched." She got furious that I apparently didn't believe her when she said she was turned off by men after what happened. Eventually I broke and agreed I didn't think we could handle a friendship right now.

So we limited contact, but she would reach out and try to talk. I was still taking time to heal, so I responded, but not as much or as quickly. After a few days of that, one day she disappeared. She has suicidal ideation, and I got worried. I called and called with no answer. Finally heard back. She was alive, but again furious with me about being concerned. Told me she was out with a friend enjoying herself, that she wanted to be around people who didn't make her feel like a burden. She still doesn't know I know, but I found out later she'd been out doing drugs and having sex.

I felt bad that me not wanting to be friends (though she suggested it first) pushed her into that, and given all her other health issues, I realized I can't just abandon her. I love her too much, possibly in a way she can't understand. So I've tried to re-establish a friendship. Again, she was furious at me for leaving in the first place, furious about how I handled that forum post (which she still denies), and furious at me for seemingly not believing she doesn't want anything to do with men. 

We're talking more and it's getting more like old times, but I go back and forth between how much I love her, and how hurt and angry I am. And I feel selfish, because compared to her assault and how she's been since then, my feelings should be the lower priority. 

I just am not sure what to do. Staying in contact hurts. Cutting contact hurts just as much if not worse. Limited contact just means she refuses to let me know how she's doing, which also hurts. None of my available options really seem ideal at this point.