I need some advice about moving on from toxic friends
Hi so I’ve been having this issue for probably over a year now. I was in this friend group that was pretty toxic. A couple people left the group, so then it was just for of us for my senior year of high school. One of these friends I’ll call her K, was one of my closest friends in middle school. In high school we ended up with a new friend group and she joined band (which she had said was to spend more time with me). My other friend in the group, also in band, R became really close with K. For the longest time i thought there was something wrong with me and was jealous. I opened up to K about my feeling multiple times but she never cared. Her and R did a lot *** stuff to me and always left me out. There was one other person in the group tho, C. Right now C and I are best friends and we bonded over both being treated like *** by K and R. In march, our friend group got into a fight. K and R were just being especially *** (never even giving me or C the time of day but expecting us to do stuff for them). C and I were trying to distance ourselves from them and they got mad. C reasonably explain why we were avoiding them and basically they immediately got defensive and blamed us instead. They always only valued each other, were rude to us and others, big narcissistics, two-faced, and just overall really *** friends. Both me and C are just kind, helpful people so for the longest time they took advantage of that and used us, they made us feel like *** about ourselves for years. Anyway, we did kind of make up for the rest of the year and K did apologize (R didn’t because she never does) and we graduated together. Now that it’s summer, C and I have spent no time with them and have gotten closer with each other. What really continued to bother me is that they will never acknowledge or even understand their behavior (R has always gaslighted me and tried to say stuff just didn’t happen and I was making it up). I’m going off to college soon and while I still will see them at some hs band alumni things, I don’t see them much otherwise. I just can’t get over how much they hurt me. K has no clue she’s hurt me but has even done it intentionally it just sucked because we used to be close. R is just incredibly abnoxious and brags on social media all the time (exaggerated, and even lying). What hurts is they brag to me and C about them being together and being so close and still are oblivious to how toxic they both are. They will never change. I just can’t get over it. They shouldn’t even matter anymore but I just wish karma would hit them. If anyone reads this much, I apologize for how much this is and it was basically a ramble, but if you could give me some advice I’d really really appreciate it. Thanks
@Au1605
It's never easy to deal with toxic friendships, especially when you've invested time and care into those relationships. It's understandable that you're feeling hurt and frustrated by their behavior.
First and foremost, I want to acknowledge the positive steps you and C have taken by distancing yourselves from K and R and focusing on your own friendship. It's important to surround yourself with supportive and caring people. While it can be challenging, it might be a good idea to let go of the expectation that K and R will acknowledge or change their toxic behavior. Unfortunately, some people are not capable or willing to see the harm they cause to others. Instead, try to focus your energy on your own personal growth and happiness. As you transition to college, you'll have the opportunity to meet new people and form healthier relationships. So embrace this fresh start and surround yourself with friends who appreciate and value you for who you are.
Lastly, remember that people who consistently engage in toxic behavior will eventually face the consequences of their actions. Rather than dwelling on the idea of karma, channel your energy towards your own happiness and let go of the negative emotions tied to your past experiences.
It's not easy but it will get better. Take your time to heal and process your emotions, and remember that you deserve healthy and supportive friendships.
Good luck!!
@patientSky1754
i read this a while ago but was never able to thank you. I really appreciate your advice and the fact you took time to tell some stuff I really needed to hear. Thanks again.