Last Resort

Well, like the title thing suggests, this feels like my last resort. I feel alone. My mother thinks I'm worthless and full of myself, she insults me basically everyday. And I try to understand her, I really do, I love her with all my heart. Everyday, I do the most that I can to keep our home clean while simultaneously taking care of my own health and academic life. I've been struggling with my well-being for years, and not once have I been able to express my emotions properly because I have nobody to talk to. Not my best friend, not my boyfriend, not my mother, especially not my mother. 

I remember opening up to her for the first time in 7th grade. I told her I didn't want to be here anymore, and I thought she was going to understand. Instead, she told me I had nothing to be tired about, and she has gone through so much more than me. I spent the last hour listening to her lecture and secretly scratching at the palm of my hand until it left cuts. I never opened up to her like that ever again.

There's so much more I could say, this was just a fraction of my life for the past few years.