Loneliness

I feel guilty. I have a family but I feel disconnected. Yet we talk almost everyday. It’s been years of feeling this way but just heightened once I converted to Islam. My mom is a hardcore Christian and conservative and my stepdad is atheist conservative . Nothing wrong with being both just context. We’ve bumped heads for a while sporadically. I just think she’s ashamed of me and my decision. Today she ignored me let me pay for my drink but ran up to my brother to pay for his, we drove over to a different store and she bought his stuff while forgetting I was in the store with them. This is small but all the small things adds up. I live in the south someone asked my mom why would she let me convert? Or “I feel so bad for you” I’m not there but I just know how her responses are. It just hurts because it’s my family. My mom cut out our extended family. Exception of my aunt and 3 of my cousins. I only talk to my mom and two brothers. I have troubles making and keeping friends. Trust issues I guess. Every time I make a friend my mom gives me all the reasons why it wouldn’t work out. Idk I’m lonely. I learned from the best I cut out people from my life. I spend 11 hours at work speaking to no one. I think loneliness is my only friend. 

It gets bad at work too my director gives everyone birthday gifts except me. Two were from short term employees. I thought maybe because I didn’t tell her in advance but I did this year and still nothing. It’s something minor but it still makes me mad and sad. Idk first world problems ***. I know there’s far worse things going on. I just feel lonely I don’t enjoy it. My faith is hard to keep as well. I haven prayed in a while. 

Idk if I should be putting my business out like this 

this is my first time on this website