Losing myself

I can sense how I am changing. I used to be a happy and joyful person, always wanted to talk about my interests. But now I am growing cold. I am starting to hold it all within and be very distant. I don't wanna share my interests anymore because what's the point if no one is ever interested in them. I had emotionally unavailable parents and it affected me so bad. The damage is really immeasurable💔 they never cared about my interests and everything I was doing. They never cared about me as a person. And even now they always ask me about homework and school stuff but never how ia m doing and other things about myself because I am much more than my studies. My dad also always dismissed my interests when I was growing up. I could enthusiastically talk about a certain topic and he would just say :" it's not important ", "it doesn't matter ". He never praised me and now I am so hungry for other's validation. I struggle with low self esteem because now it's engrained in my brain that everything I have to say is not important and I should just shut up. These changes in personality scare me. I was trying to fight it but I can't help it. I am becoming someone else. I'm just so depressed and no one even cares. Honestly I have so much more to say about my parents and how they screwed me up so I'm probably gonna make another post just to vent. I literally can't stop crying right now because I feel so alone and abandoned. By everyone. It sucks so much and it hurts badly. I'm afraid I won't make it. I think I am too broken to feel happiness ever again. I am just a waste of a human and I hate myself. I never deserved such a bad treatment from my parents and I am jealous of people who have good parents. I know some people that have good parents but they weren't even acknowledging it! They were taking it for granted! I WISH I had what they have and they don't even seem to appreciate it! But well whatever, not everyone has a good life I guess. I really feel I am destined to suffer and be a miserable example of what childhood trauma does to people.

I'm just so hurt and in pain. Life sucks right now for me💔💔💔