Maybe I can be split in a half?
Hi everyone, I'm trying to process what I'm about to write, I'm very disoriented. I hope you can understand me and I ask you for kindness…
Today I feel melancholic, it's the birthday of a boy I was in love with. We haven't spoken anymore and I haven't looked at his social media because I put up a wall, he meant a lot to me in our dating but I had to put a full stop because he had started to keep me in limbo, not very nice and I felt bad about it, I never saw him again to clarify but I put the full stop by stopping being interested in his life.
He decided to wish me a happy birthday anyway, months ago, even though our relationship had become non-existent because of my stance. I decided to wish him a happy birthday too because I'm damn stubborn and I feel the need to give everything back (even ten cents offered).
Bad idea.
I fell back into this melancholy and it had never happened to me so much that I moved on and fell in love again, I love my boyfriend and I love being with him. Tonight however I felt like this, I feel torn in half, is it possible?
Is it pride? The treatment I received? I am very confused. At the same time I have no doubts about the person I am with, my love and my best friend. I am confused that I feel this way and that I went to peek at the social media of this guy from the past, noticing all the things I had not seen about this person, even his relationship (I already knew but I had turned back and was not interested in the matter, he got together with this girl after a while of starting to avoid me). What to do? How to move with this feeling? I am afraid, is it possible to love two people at the same time? Or does it just hurt the idea of a person I respected?
I know I deserve more but I'm torn in half.
Thoughts?
Sorry for my English.
A hug for everyone
@bs027 its only natural to return to a first love, keeping one foit in the door, because it offers familiarity and comfort but you also must not forget how he made you feel when he left you in limbo and why you walked away. He reached out to keep you in limbo but you deserve to cherish the relationship you have, be someone's first and only priority and be loved and cherished everyday, don't throw away something beautiful looking back 😊
Thank you so much for your response and your support, it makes me feel less alone. He’s not my first love, actually. I had a relationship a few years ago, a true relationship where I was deeply in love (this guy I wished a happy birthday to was more of an intense fling). After my first relationship, I learned a lot, and it was really tough to get over. Nevertheless, this guy is now a friend of mine, and I know exactly what it means to have moved on—I see him in a completely different way.
The other day, though, I felt something I didn’t expect to feel, especially since I’ve been done with this person for a long time, without any lingering feelings or thoughts of going back. At first, it was a bit complicated, but then I had simply stopped noticing his absence. I don’t know what happened the other day, especially since he wasn’t my first. I don’t understand why I felt that way, and I tried to find others in the same situation to get some support.
That said, I have no intention of throwing away my current situation; I would never do that, of this I’m certain. First of all, because I’ve fallen in love with him, and besides that, he’s truly an amazing person to me. That’s precisely why the melancholy I felt that day confused me even more—because I’m so convinced about the reality I’m in and not looking for anything else. I felt strange.
Thank you again, I hope to figure it all out.
A hug🩵