Meeting someone despite insecurities
Hello, i came here to vent and... idk. I don't know how to put this out.
I've been chatting with someone from a dating app and he's from another country, and after 4 months of talking , we're traveling to Argentina to meet each other and go hiking together. The thing is, I've been concerned about my physical body and appearance. I know in real life i don't look like in the pics he's seen, and even if we made videocall once for a really short time, i know he'll get discouraged with how i look.
Even though he knows I'm obese and he clarified his intention was just to meet and travel around, i got to confess my interest on him and he said he was too.
Buut, now... I'm too concerned that i made a mistake of asking him out before meeting each other, because i put myself in a secure rejection and disappointment. Like... i really look bad compared to my selfies and that's what concerned.
Now i tried to take my worda back and things got kind of messed up and confusing with him.
I feel like I've lived this situation once before when i got a long distance relationship and the time we had to meet, the same situation is repeating itself...
I'm just worried our meeting will turn distant or just friendzoning each other.
I feel so stupid and immature for having these thoughts and feelings.
@justtalkandbefree
Hi! Thanks for sharing about your experiences.
I understand being self aware of our own physical appearance can be a demon of its own, eating away our time and a chance at being happy.
From what I can see, you seem to have good vibes with this person, and I do have hope that this will turn out to be something wonderful! but you are afraid of the "what if" things didn't turn out as expected. It's normal to feel anxious and insecure.
How about seeing it in another perspective, "what if" that person surprisingly love you even more in person? Or maybe try to weigh "what's the best & worst that could happen" before deciding to meet them in person.
Again, it's always easy to find faults, but try to find and focus on the little happiness, like, if it didn't work out well at least you get to do hiking (enjoy the view of nature!) and you get to visit a new country, that's another plus.
I wish you all the best and I'll always be rooting for you! Cheers! (sorry for the lengthy post)
@justtalkandbefree
How about some very basic security?
That is good you chatted with this guy for 4 months (such amount of time could be rather discouraging for anyone who would have any bad intentions, like to rob or kidnap you). As well as video calling, what makes it not much possible for him to be a person of a different name, nationality, age or gender than he claimed (but in the really worst scenario he could also be only a "bait").
However, you never know how can you be surprised by person you "know" only from the web, not from the real word. In my view the best place for meeting for the first time is a safe place full of people, like a café. And then, when you get to know each other better, you can plan your trip to the wild regions of another country together.
One of my friends was talking for weeks with a guy from abroad who said he was going to come to her city. He was kind, telling her compliments and her heart was beating faster. He was to invite her to a restaurant when he arrives. Finally... he didn't appeared, but asked her to send him some money.
I know that most people aren't like that, but...
@justtalkandbefree Sometimes it might be scary to put yourself out there but he's known you for so long and has stuck around for as long.
Attraction is always much more than physical appearances.
I understand your fear but you can look beyond it to see that if all he's looking at is your physical appearance then he's actually not worth it but that is but a fraction of who you are.
I hope this helps to relieve a bit of your fear.