My mom always ruins my happiness
Today I went to my aunt T's house. She bought me new sandals and wanted me to try them on. I also helped her with some work project she was making and was due to Friday. Afterwards, she took me to the grocery store and we bought some cake, come coke and some fresh cookies. I spent the whole afternoon there and had a blast. My baby was with my other aunt - A - at home - I live with my grandma and my aunt.
I took my aunt T with me when I went back home because the next day would be my grandma's birthday and she wanted to celebrate a day before as well. My mother decided to show up and started talking about politics, hoping one of us would buy a fight. None of us did. She got mad. Everyone saw she was sour.
When I started to say how wonderful my aunt T was to me this day, my mother started to say I should be more than grateful and I shouldn't apologize. The thing I should be doing "is not ask them anything because they already do too much for you". She meant that in a very sour way and didn't let me finish what I was saying (I was enlightening and thanking aunt T). So I said "why is that every time I have something good to say you ALWAYS ruin it?".
My mother was ready to reply when everyone said "wow wow wow, let's stop right there".
Everybody went away. It was just me, my baby, my aunt A and my grandma. I sent the nanny off for the whole weekend because it was her mother's birthday. I put the baby in a sling and as I was passing through the hall to reach the kitchen where the baby's bottle was heating up, I heard my grandma say to my aunt something like this: "she was so sour... and I always tell L (me) to not fight back because is easier for me to make peace with someone I live with. Make her understand her mom is not very nice. Make her accept that. But sometimes, like today, A (my mom) does it in front of everybody and you can see it really bothers L. That's why she hates parties, because A always put negativity in her head."
I don't know. Honestly, I shouldn't be the one to be educated about another person's bad behavior. Even if it is my mom. She doesn't have my respect nor my love. Neither my forgiveness for everything she's done to me in my life.
Forgiveness is so hard...
@BabyBee18 Yeah it’s hard to forgive. You shouldn’t be the one who has to be kind when your mom is being so mean - I get that thinking. But that is arguing with reality a bit. Your mom has some bitterness. She is suffering and her outward bitterness is a symptom of that suffering and it comes out and makes others suffer - it pushes people away and I bet your mom would not choose to push her family away. She kind of doesn’t know how to enjoy the family around her. This is not to say that her behavior should be excused and if you try that it is really hard not to react a bit bitter in return. I bet you don’t really feel better by snapping back at your mom and it just makes her react even more. Forgiveness isn’t about the other person it’s about finding a way to avoid being entrapped - it’s about protecting yourself. To do otherwise is to struggle against quicksand.
@hopefulPond6108 you've said it all. Very true. Arguing back will not make things better. My grandma is right. The only thing I find unfair is that my grandma doesn't tell her to me kind either. But if I have to be the grown-up, shall I be.
@BabyBee18
@chestercrabby thank you. Thank you so much for writing that. I really appreciate. I feel validated. Thank you, honey.
@BabyBee18
Hi, there 👋🏻
Maybe we can have a conversation about that if you want
Hello, my mom does some of the same things. Especially when I talk about my plans and dreams. She just tries to poke holes in my plans and upset me, instead of let me be excited and keep planning for my dreams.
I do agree forgiveness is hard