My private life is a complete mess, and it's all because of me
I feel like a terrible person typing it but it's just gonna get worse with every word really
I'm in a relationship
I don't think I truly love him
He moved to my country because of me ( I was saying that I'm not sure about it to him though, he insisted and now it's heavy) and we had to marry because of that
I love/loved another person, but I still deeply care for him, we don't talk anymore because of my social anxiety and stupid behavior, but maybe it's better for him to avoid me, I regret (this interaction happened before my current relationship, not during)
Recently my boyfriend told me that he's probably a trans woman
I'm trying to support him with it, I'm completely fine with all the community, but I don't think I truly want that, I don't think I could truly treat him like a woman within our relationship, I love him and attached to him but it feels weird at this point
I feel like it's all my fault and regret just simply because I couldn't be more firm and say no, understand what I want and stick to it. Instead I was trying to avoid decision making
I know that my boyfriend deeply loves me, I feel terrible because I can't say the truth and waited until it's too late
I wish it was only me who struggles, I didn't want it to affect others, I'm just naive and stupid
@energeticKitten1977
Hey,
Thank you so much for sharing all of this — seriously, just putting it into words takes a lot of courage. 💛 It’s clear that you’re someone who deeply cares, even when things feel confusing, heavy, and tangled. The fact that you’re thinking about how your actions have affected others says so much about your heart — not that you're terrible, but that you’re human and doing your best in an emotionally overwhelming situation.
You're holding so many layers of emotion: guilt, regret, care, confusion, grief… and none of that makes you a bad person. It makes you someone who’s overwhelmed and still trying to do what’s right.
Can I gently offer this: it's not wrong to feel uncertain. It’s okay to not know what you want right away. What matters is that you’re beginning to reflect, to listen to yourself now — and that’s not "too late," that’s brave.
You're not naive or stupid. You're someone trying to balance love, identity, expectations, and your own needs — and that's hard. It’s okay to feel what you’re feeling. You’re allowed to take care of yourself, too.
🫂 I'm here with you in this. If it helps, we can take it piece by piece, no pressure.
Would it feel okay if I asked: what part of this feels the heaviest on your heart right now?