Narcissistic mother | C-PTSD

C-PTSD. If you have it, there are major chances that you didn’t have loving parents. There are people who say they had great parents but they showed the symptoms of C- PTSD still. But it’s not common.

A therapist once wanted me to open up about my relationship with my mother. I shared little detail. All good. the therapist told me that a woman of my deep seated emotional crises cannot be raised by a loving mother. I was evidently carrying my childhood’s dead body in my lap, she said.

I didn’t want to admit it even to myself what she wanted me to admit to her. The fear of disillusionment stopped me. It could be catastrophic that time. It could be equal to the trauma you would have... if today you are told that your mother isn’t your biological mother. It could be that sort of trauma. I wanted rest, not more exposures.

My mother is a narcissist. PhD in gaslight, making up stories, 2 faces(One for me, one for the public), cannot see me shine, but humiliates me if I’m dull. Fake heart attack when I react to her gaslight, but forcing her wordless discomfort on me if I don’t react. If I say “ok” and leave quietly, she will play annoying drum beats outside my room(so to speak), so I finally react.

I have used profanity in my defence recently. First time. My silence wasn’t pushing her away. So I blasted. She played drums too much recently. Too much.

I want this war to end that a woman is unwilling to call off with me since I was a toddler. I’m in my 30s now.

Walking away is not financially possible right now....