Need some advice on family member?
Hey guys,
I just need some advice. I’m in my early 20s, and I still live with my family and am a university student. I live with a family member who is constantly angry, and yells until they get things their way.
It’s draining, frustrating, and annoying to live like this every day. Fights and arguments average almost 4-5 times a day, over the smallest of things. This family member is in denial they don’t need help, and refuses to seek counseling.
I’m trying to get them to eat a healthier diet, learn how to manage their anger, and use strategies such as CBT, binaural beats, and learning how to manage their emotions.
I’m just unsure about what to do and it’s so draining and frustrating.
Hi There,
I can understand this and relate to it as well.
Please try to distance yourself from this person and create your own Aura, make constructive friends who are successful and good positive ones from whom you can learn things n grow in life. Confine yourself to positive people only. Note: At the end you will blame yourself if you are pulled backwards and rest people go ahead in life. We can't change others but focus on our own well being without giving attention and energy to other one who is a energy vampire. Focus on yourself. Don't hurt them as they are already in pain.
@navyCoconut9550 I think that’s a positive perspective to put in. I’m trying to focus on my own wellbeing, and taking care of myself for sure despite the challenging situation I’m in. As “bad” as I feel for not being able to fix them, or “change” them I do agree that even if I can’t change or fix others, that it is okay too.
I’m going to try focus more on myself going forward too though if I can. I appreciate your words of support and encouragement.
@Matcha4Health As the other person said, focus on yourself. Stick to what you have to do to achieve your goals, whether they are academic or not.
Here's some advice that I hope you don't have to learn by painful experience: you cannot fix someone who does not know (s)he is broken or who doesn't want to get better. There are no exceptions to this rule. If your relative is temperamental, emotionally unstable or whatever & believes she doesn't have any problems, then there is nothing you can do about her. Best to let her live as she does until she figures out what she needs to do--if she ever does. Remember, her conduct is her problem, not yours.
If it's financially possible, you may want to consider moving out & finding better people to live with. How about a dorm room?
@slowdecline48 Thank you so much for replying, and the kind words and for the support. I’m super sorry for replying late too.
I agree, I think I’m trying to fix her and change her, but I think I need to realize that sometimes this may be easier said than done.
I did move out to the dorms, but it made me feel so alone and I was getting stressed financially about it hence why I moved back, but I’m regretting the decision a lot. I only moved back because I thought things would get better, but they didn’t unfortunately.
Thank you so much again for the support.
@Matcha4Health
I can understand your frustration and can relate to this situation. Firstly, please realize that you can never force someone to change or get better, and its not your fault if they are unable to change for you. Most if not all people cannot change or better themselves solely for others, they must see their behavior as a problem first before they can even think of changing. If they are open to some of your suggestions or guidance that is great, but if nothing changes you will have to set boundaries. This can look like different things depending on your situation. For me personally, boundaries were not cutting it, I had to go away to college or stay on campus apartment in order to escape. Unfortunately this may be the only option if this person never changes, to eventually move out and break free. I hope this situation improves for you soon, and im sorry you are being treated so poorly
@thoughtfulSky319 Thanks for replying back to me. I appreciate your support and understanding as well. I’m also sorry you’ve had to deal with similar experiences like mine before.
I’m trying to establish boundaries, but with this family member it’s very difficult since they’re very manipulative and gets angry, real quick and real easily.
I unfortunately did move out to go to college and live on a dorm, but I was finding myself feeling too depressed and stressed financially which is why I moved back. At the same time though, I’m incredibly regretting it. : (
I’m really sorry to hear about your stress from college, I can relate to this as well. Your situation sounds a lot like mine, I also had to move back to a not so ideal environment due to financial stress. Honestly the only thing that helps living with an unhealthy person who refuses to change is to stay out of the house and away from them as much as you can. This sounds very harsh but in this case you will have to protect your peace as much as humanely possible in this situation. I really hope that this person is able to get help soon, or you’ll be able to move out again as it is almost impossible to be happy while simultaneously living with someone who is harmful to your mental state. Again I truly feel for you and I’m so sorry again you’re going through this, please just remember there is peace and happiness on the other side of things. Once you’re able to move out life will get better. You don’t deserve this treatment and it sounds like a difficult situation ❤️ @Matcha4Health
Hi, I’m so sorry that this is happening. You should definitely try distancing yourself from this person, after all you can’t help a person change if they don’t want to change. If it weighs on your mind a lot and you really want to help them try talking to a professional about how you can maybe help your family member. I hope that you stay safe.
