Sometime i need need normal breathe

I wanted universe give me sometime ..

Sometime to breathe normal 

Instead of hypervigilant

 Ask him I am fine if I am not lucky one like few.

But no idea he always love test me. 

I am alone he don't like. 

If I am with someone he dint like. 

I ask luck for once in relationship ever once in my life

 He don't give that 

I accepted I m not so good person 

Atleast one area of life i feel proud of myself i feel lucky 

Atleast once

 I don't want to feel loser all time 

I am fine walking all path just don't want keep lending me things or situation which  make me hating myself embrass of myself 

Grief which i can't overcome life long 

All why which I never understand 

I never get answer 

I had been coward few times

 I paid price I am paying now also 

But i need one support of him in one area of life so i can keep moving myself 

Everyday I should not be waking up n pushing myself 

I feel moviate to breathe 

To breathe happily 

I atleast be good mom thn feeling loser unwanted in all relationship n all area of life. 

For once he genuine see me .I tried .. 

I m trying.. 

Give me normal day to breathe 

I m fine I am not lucky one when come to relationship. But let me lucky in other area of my life. I need badly that..