Sometimes life feels too hard. This is another one of those moments when life feels too hard.

Today I checked my email messages, and found a response one of the forums I'm apart of.

The response I received made my blood pressure go up.  The online "friendship" of around 2 years...  I thought about ending it right then and there.  I got so angry that I almost sent something that I was going to regret.  I rewrote my response several times, all the while thinking about hitting the ignore button.  That is how upset It made me!

What is the source of my frustration and anger?  I had to dig deep into myself to try and figure it out.

There is different layers to my hurt.  For starters, I've been always been broken, and the only reason why I do the things I do, is so that I can deal with my own brokenness.  Then something bad happens, and I got to deal with that too.  While dealing with that, I try to do the next best thing to deal with it.  Eventually I find myself either in trouble, or someone thinks I did something stupid.

I can't fix my brokenness.  I've been broken since the age of 6.  I probably don't think like you do.  I probably don't understand things like you do.  I probably don't understand people like you do.  All I do is the best I can, and it is not enough to make things right.  Most of the things I read that is supposed to help me, makes me feel even worse.  Sometimes life feels too hard.  This is another one of those moments when life feels too hard.

I never like seeing a friendship die, but this one might be ready to die.  I calmed myself down, and I think I found a good approach to responding.  Something that isn't angry.