Struggling with Academic Pressure, Family Conflict, and Loneliness – Seeking Support and Guidance
Trigger Warning: Academic stress, family conflict, mental health struggles.
Hi everyone,
I’m a young adult from Sri Lanka, navigating overwhelming academic and personal challenges. I’ve faced intense pressure to succeed in my A/L exams (Sri Lanka’s university entrance exams) and repeated setbacks due to a lack of resources and support. After three attempts, I’m still uncertain about securing a spot in a good STEM degree in a free government university, which has left me feeling isolated and behind my peers. My parents, especially my mom, criticize my efforts sometimes—like arguing over whether to include a signature on my internship resume (which I’ve heard is outdated). This criticism amplifies my self-doubt, even though I was once a top student.
Now, I’m teaching myself front-end web development (…mainly from W3Schools, FreeCodeCamp.org and edx.org) to fund my education, but the journey feels lonely. My friends have moved on, and my only remaining connection is a toxic friendship with someone who dismisses my feelings. I’ve battled anxiety & depression and taken medication for years during exams, and local mental health resources haven’t responded to my cries for help.
🔴 Specific Struggles:
1. Academic Pressure: Repeated A/L attempts, financial insecurity about university, and parental expectations.
2. Family Conflict: Blame and lack of emotional support from my mom. (My parents care about me and help me a lot. But, I understand that, they also humans. It is a natural thing to blame someone when they reach their limits.)
3. Social Isolation: Friends have moved forward, leaving me feeling abandoned.
4. Mental Health: Anxiety, loneliness, and reliance on a toxic friendship for emotional expression.
🔴 Questions for the Community:
1. How do you cope with family criticism while pursuing personal goals?
2. Has anyone successfully balanced self-learning (like coding) with academic pressures?
3. Are there strategies to build healthier friendships when feeling isolated?
Why I’m Here: I’m exhausted from carrying this alone. I’d appreciate advice, encouragement, or even shared stories from others who’ve faced similar struggles. Thank you for creating a safe space to be vulnerable.
Isn't there anyone who can gimme a reply about this case?
@HimalErangana Hey I am feeling SO MUCH with you. Maybe it helps to make you feel less behind, if I tell you that I am 31-years-old and on my second attempt at uni and I am stuggling a lot. I have not attempted any exams in a year now because learning fpr and taking exams freaks me out.. My first attempt at uni was in my early 20s and I had the same problems with learning-anxiety back then. But I did not get any support from my family at all. (Looking back it actually feels like my parents and my brother have sabotaged me whily studying..) Now, 10 years later, I have the same learning issues and I feel like not beeing able to get out of it. I have a strong wish to get this bachelor, but at the moment I cannot see any hope that I will get it...
@HimalErangana to me it sounds that you should not let your mum interfere so much in your career plans and actions. Looking back I would prefer that I have made my choices on my own and if it would have been the wrong choice I still would be happier today, because there would be no resentment to myself, that I have allowed other people to intervene into my life. Own your life. It is yours.
Hey, I hear you. You’re carrying a lot, and I need you to take a deep breath and remind yourself, you are not behind. Your journey isn’t supposed to look like anyone else’s. You are exactly where you need to be.
Let’s start with your family. You said they support you but also blame you at times, and you feel like there's a limit to how much they can help. But really, ask yourself: if you had a child struggling, lost in the middle of their journey, would you just let them go?NO. You’d be there, even if it was hard. Your parents might not always express it perfectly, but they haven’t abandoned you. Don’t convince yourself that you're a burden just because things aren’t smooth.
Now, that toxic friend? LET GO. I know it’s scary to cut ties when you already feel alone, but ask yourself: what are you really holding onto? Someone who dismisses your feelings? Someone who makes you feel smaller when you already need strength? Loneliness is better than being drained by the wrong people. Free up that space, and better connections will come. And remember, you're not alone, you already have yourself, you are the only person who no matter what happens, will always be with you and support you. Don't look for external validation, love and support while it's all within you, and you can give that to yourself, know that whatever comes from within no one can take it away from you.
And about your path, learning to code, pushing through academic pressure, trying to build something for yourself, it’s not easy, but look at you. You are still fighting. You are teaching yourself skills that most people never even attempt. That’s not being "behind". That’s being UNSTOPPABLE. Your resilience is proof that you're meant for more.
So here’s what I need you to do: Choose yourself. Trust that everything you’re doing right now is shaping you for the life you deserve. Keep learning, keep growing, and most importantly, let go of anything and anyone holding you back. You are not lost. YOU ARE BECOMING.
@intellectualCherry8631 Where did you get that wisdom from?
@HimalErangana
Thank you for sharing. To answer your third question, I think building a healthy relationship with ourselves can be a starting point to building healthy friendships with others. Since we’re with ourselves most often, knowing what we enjoy doing, what behaviors we don’t accept, what we like/don’t like, our interests, can be a guide to buffer against feeling isolated. For example, a friend that does not respect our needs and boundaries might not contribute to our well-being. If this is the case, it might be best to go if we are left feeling bad when with them. Recognizing that we need to go is what I identify as part of building a healthy relationship with ourselves and attending to our feelings and needs is a crucial part of building a relationship with ourselves.
Secondly, a strategy that may help when feeling isolated is volunteering. People can volunteer remotely, in-person, etc. I stated earlier that knowing ourselves and interests is a starting point. So, for example, a person might volunteer in an animal shelter because they care about animals and have time to volunteer. Additionally, some might join a computer science competition because they enjoy computer science. Likely, people care and enjoy volunteering for those interests which is why they’re there. So, it depends on you and what you are looking for. As a side note, volunteering is also a way to connect with like-minded people and gain experience.
These are just some ideas on the top of my head and may not work for everyone. As always, feel free to reach out to listeners on 7Cups and/or a psychotherapist.
@HimalErangana. I have quit talking to my mom. She is critical and I personally find it abusive. The criticism overweights the benefits of the relationship by far so I decided I'm done but I'm 50 and just realizing this. I'm just sad I wasted all my life caring for her opinion. Because she's my mom I wanted that connection but I finally realized it's abuse and I'm never going to get what I need from her. As a result, I have never criticized my own child, not one time. I make a point to never criticize them no matter what happens and no matter what he wants to discuss or does. I'm just supportive as I feel that I should be.
