The Pond

@OnlyWinter

I understand and fully that others can and will disappoint us from time to time. Even the best of relationships (any type of ship) requires work. I am sorry others have let you down and I send you big big *hugs* ❤️

@OnlyWinter

Froggy chases nothing. 😊❤️

@OnlyWinter

Hi my wonderful Fishy friend! 😊❤️ So happy to see you here in our pond! 😊 *glub glub* ❤️

Wow! Sweet Fishy, this is an amazing question! 😳 Thank you for asking ❤️. I will and try and do my best for you! Okay....lets see....what I do I feel as if my strengths and weaknesses are? ..........

I guess I'll start with what I feel as if where my strengths lie.....

One of my strong suits is definitely empathy for others. I feel as if it's simply my natural inclination. I do truly care about others and their feelings. Given the choice, I'd always choose to be a positive force in someones elses life as opposed to a negative. No harm, only help.

I am someone that is high on the agreeableness scale as well as the consciousness scale. I am someone that is of high integrity. I am loyal to a fault. And that can mean sacrifice at times on my part. I do my best to walk a path of authenticity and keep my commitments to others. If I am asked a question and I don't think it's appropriate or needed for me to answer it, I simply say so politely. I'd always choose this route as opposed to telling a blatant lie. In an effort to make others feel okay about feeling inquisitive, I can simply say, feel free to ask however whether I choose to answer or not is up to me, lol. 😊

I am very good about and committed to keeping private information private. I don't gossip about others or triangulate even if it is done to me. I believe that two wrongs do not make a right. I am better than that, I am above that. I answer to me about my behavior. If someone tells me a secret, it is always safe with me.

I do not compete against others. My last greatest victory is the only thing I compete against. I compete against me and me only. Instead of competing against others, I like to cheer them on and help them along. I am not jealous of others. Instead, I am proud of others accomplishments, would do anything I can to help them along and simply bask in their glow and be happy that I was a part of their greatness.

I am a true team player. I feel that we all win together and I would be quick to defer to another as well as stand back and allow someone to stand in that spot light because they might need that affirmation more than I do at that moment. I really feel like, and to the core of my being........that if and when it's my time to be noticed for any achievement, for being kind and good, for keeping my head down and for doing the right thing........it will happen. It will come and it will happen organically with out me doing anything other than me simply being me. This is the beauty of when it happens. It has happened for me and with quiet moments of others "seeing me" and appreciating me. ❤️ No wee bit of kindness is ever lost on me. Kind words said to me I hold in my heart and always.

I have the ability to focus and for long periods of time. I have a great memory. I am able to notice trends, things out of place, patterns and most quickly. I am highly organized and highly self governed. I pick up on nuance and innuendo. I can read between the lines.

I don't complain. I have gratitude moments and am happy with what it is that I do have and focus less on what it is that I don't.

Now for the weaknesses............I have plenty of those ........

My learning style is experiential learning and I also have a tendency to not want to burden others in helping me with the experience with technology. Technology is not my forte'. If someone where to help me with things then I could be so much better. I do well with the practice effect. Once I understand it, I got it and I can run far with the ball once I am able to catch it. I make do and do my best and simply show up. I almost have to wonder if I'm a techno phobe some days, lol 😊 Clearly this is not a good thing and there is much room for improvement.

I have a deep respect for authority. This can be a problem sometimes if it takes me a long time to finally speak up and out against someone showing an abuse of power. I think I do my best to manage the situation for a bit too long before raising the red flag.

I also do this in relationships and any type of "ship". I have a tendency to give others too many chances. Just like sponges, we all have our saturation point and mine is quite high before I finally determine that enough is enough. However, once I make that choice, I do not reconsider as I know that my mind is made up and their is no more unfinished emotional business to take care of. This can take others unaware as they would think I would have put up with it for longer. I'm getting better at making my needs and wants known earlier on. It's boundary issues and I'm getting better and better at creating boundaries.

I mentioned empathy as a strength earlier however it can also be ones downfall. There are times when I don't "hold space" for myself in the same ways that I do for others and I know that is something that I need to work on continually.

I guess I can be a bit quirky at times? I don't do what everyone else does all of the time. I don't see the need to. I don't feel the need to be right I just need to be happy with my choices.

Well, I hope I did a good job here. I'm sure I could think of more.

How about you my lovely Fishy friend? What do you feel are your strengths? What do you feel are your weaknesses? I'd love to hear what is on your mind.

*high fives* 😊 and big *hugs* ❤️

@OnlyWinter

Hi my wonderful Fishy friend! 😊❤️ So happy to hear from you! *swims with* Weeeeeeeee weeeeeee! 😊

Thank you for your positive affirmations of me as well as of my positive traits. I'm glad that you see them as good and worthy things of a way for a person to be! ❤️

I loved hearing about your strengths as well. *high fives* 😊 Those are beautiful traits to possess!

I'm glad that you felt comfortable enough to share with me something that has been on your mind. ❤️ I can certainly see how your friend behaving this way would be frustrating as well as disappointing. I'm glad that you can see it for what it's worth, that it does fall under the category of competitiveness and it's not an admirable trait for a friend of ours to have when they see us as their competition.

True friends will lift us up, be happy for us when we have done well and do their best to even help to celebrate in our victories!

I am glad however, that your boss continues to give you and your other friend positive reinforcement for a job well done even though your other "friend" continues to see it as an opportunity to be negative and resentful. I can imagine that it can take away a bit from the good spirit of the moment when this person is insistent to make this a moment of taking "pot shots". I can see how it could get old really quick and be quite annoying.

A little bit of sarcasm does go a really long way. I have heard it said that sarcasm is societies way of allowing someone to let off a bit of "steam" in a socially acceptable way. Things said in jest and in this way, many times, are truly meant. At the root of it is typically anger, jealousy, some sort of negative feeling and it gives the person that is saying such things a kind of "back door" to then say....."oh, it was just a joke. I was just kidding. Why so sensitive? Can't you take a joke?" to then cast blame upon you and deflect if they are called out on the negative behavior. I'm glad that you can see the intent behind their behavior.

If this so called "friend" spent as much time and energy focusing on themselves, working on themselves, developing themselves to provide higher performance in the work place, as they focus on coming up will mean spirited comments for you and your friend, they would be a lot better off for it. Perfect opportunity for them to think of the concept of what I call the "non compete clause". Harness that energy and point it in the direction of something good and productive. 😊❤️ Maybe that way they would receive a positive affirmation now and again also.

I'm certainly not here to ever give advice. However, you and I brainstorming, tossing around ideas together in the future and working together as a team on ways to potentially handle the situation if it arises again is always an option. 😊 And that's only if you want to even address it.

You can think of it as sort of "scripts" that you can practice independently, with words that you are comfortable using if the situation happens again. Sometimes having a loose idea, frame of reference can help with conflict resolution to pull from when needed in the "heat of the moment". Kind of like a little "tool box" to carry around and to "pull this tool or that tool out" to help. Being equipped ahead of time can add confidence as well as a sense of calm and mature approach and can help to see challenges as opportunities in disguise to get the friendship back on track. 😊❤️ Just a thought if you would ever like to do so. 😊

By the way, I'm glad you are quirky too! 😊😊😊 I think quirky is fun, quirky is unique, quirky is interesting! The world sure would be a boring place if we were all carbon copies of one another. It's fun to celebrate and embrace our differences and quirkiness as humans!

*high fives* 😊 and big big *hugs* ❤️ my sweet Fishy friend! You are not alone. *wipes tears* ❤️

@OnlyWinter

Hi again Fishy Fish! 😊❤️

I didn't forget the question that you posed. 😊 Thank you for asking and thank you for caring about me ❤️. I thought I would focus on your needs first and then create another response here for the query.😊

Interestingly enough, seems to go hand in hand with some things that you had also mentioned. You had mentioned that a weakness of yours could be being a bit naive. Clearly, me too. *joins your club* lol 😊 It also is in direct alignment with being disappointed, just as you have mentioned being as of late.

*sighs* Well, in short, I thought I had made a new friend. I was really ecstatic about it. They seemed very nice. They were funny and smart. Seemed to be a like minded person and someone that I could have great conversations with about commonalities as well as learn from them if there was something that we didn't have in common.

Over the course of 2 weeks, clearly I was disappointing them and they used that word specifically ("disappointed") . 😞 Daily it became "upping the Artie/Antie/Annie (sp?)". Requesting and requiring more of me. It wasn't a day unless a personal question was being asked yet again after I had said I didn't want to share that. It wasn't a full day if I wasn't being asked to do something else to appease them. It ended up feeling like it was never going to be enough, to simply just "be" with out "jumping through some other hoop". It felt stressful. I really am not at a point in my life where I need someone to give me another job to do, that's for sure.

I made my apologies to them and a couple of times. I let them know that I have things going on in my life that I am dealing with at the moment. In an effort to be very forthcoming, I even shared some of those things with them so that they could perhaps have a bit of empathy, compassion and potentially understand, be a bit more patient. Still an additional request was made and this became the same request over and over each and every day. Over time, this became a source of anxiety and I told them so. Even though I told them so, it didn't thwart the daily questioning.

I felt in one last moment that I would be potentially dreading interacting with them that day, not because they aren't an incredibly likable person but because they couldn't give it a rest and stop pressuring me. Well, that day came. They pushed the issue once again, told me that they felt that I should be meeting their demands and even that day or the next. I told them that I would have to "respectfully decline". I told them "no" and in no uncertain terms as I was tired of being brow beaten and badgered. I told them this was becoming uncomfortable and a source of anxiety. I felt that If I tabled the issue we could move along with our friendship with out the stress. Sounded like a great idea to me 😊.

Not so much, I guess. Clearly we do in fact live in a disposable society. Their response was to respectfully decline the friendship all together at that point. I call it "throwing out the baby with the bathwater". They no longer wished to speak to me and told me as such. I was told that we both clearly had different expectations of the friendship.

I would rather know sooner as opposed to later so that is the silver lining I guess. It still stings at the loss of a friendship when you really looked forward to interacting with them and thought so highly of them. My loss. It's fine. The feelings of loss lessen over time. I harbor no ill will. We are all different as people, have different time frames as well as expectations of others.

So, that is something I have gone through lately my sweet Fishy friend. ❤️I guess we can all feel a bit naive as well as disappointed at times. I guess it kind of comes with the territory of being human? All humans have different wants and needs out of friendships.

big *hugs* ❤️

@OnlyWinter

Hi Fishy Fish! 😊❤️ *glub glub* 🐡🐸 And Happy Fri-yay! 🥳

Thank you for sharing with me what is on your mind. I really love hearing what you think and how you feel! I love how you called this the "Pond of Honesty" 😇 I agree with you, that this should be a safe place for us to share. Sure, talking about nice things are fine as are talking about things that may be less pleasant for us to have to deal with in life.

Life isn't always potpourri and sunshine so, for us to pretend that it is, is not walking a path of authenticity. People need people and it's okay to not feel okay with how we are treated at times. There will be times when people will treat us badly, when people will be unfair and also interact with us in self serving ways. Talking about it, sharing our experiences, I find to be truly helpful! 😊❤️

Aha! Yup, the N word in the field of psychology, Narcissist. That truly is a word that is heavily laden with a great deal of connotations and my understanding is that there are a variety of different types of Narcissists. It's pretty fascinating, that's for sure!

As for me, I stay far away from labeling others or diagnosing others for anything, much less a personality disorder such as NPD. However, (and it's getting real up in here now, lol 😊) I reserve the right to see things as a narcissistic trait. Yup, you show it to me, I'll call it what it is. I will call an Ace an Ace and a Spade a Spade and I will *plant the bull shooo shooo flag* on someones behavior. I feel as if there is nothing wrong in noticing negative behavior as well as having the knowledge that this is a trait. I diagnosed no one. Simply a trait.

I don't dislike people. 😊❤️ With that, I am allowed to dislike behaviors! Someone lets it play out in front of me time and time again, well.......not someone I would want to be very close to, that's for sure. I wasn't put on this earth to be someones victim. I don't want to walk around with a victim mentality so I get away from people that are mean spirited and hateful as best that I can. I don't have to even address the behavior with them as that is unwise in my opinion. No fight, no aggression, no combative behavior from me. I got no flex, lol 😊 But I am aware. Fair but aware is my mantra, ha ha! *smirk*

I have more positive things to do with my life so I try to put distance between me and that!

I think you are highly aware my friend! 😊 I commend you for being aware of your environment, cognizant of the behaviors of others and how some of them could be highly negative as well as damaging. 😊❤️ I be noping out of stuff fast too my friend! Weeeeeeeeeee weeeeeeeee! 😊 I be like.....nopie, nope, nope and more nope!

I like your approach to what you see as the negative behavior of someone in your life. There are times when others that have narcissistic traits seek what is called fuel or a source of supply from us as people. As you so well said, they will give you a compliment or praise you, not to simply give it and give it freely, but instead do it with the expectation of getting that source of supply in return (they have to feed the beast) 🧌. I agree. Some may behave this way simply to illicit a response from you.

It's fascinating to hear of their response after they have given you a compliment and with your refusal to engage in the way that they are truly seeking. I like how you say something fun, playful and let it drop. Then you get to watch them fall apart with anger, go ape sheet (lol 😊) on you. Oh my, 😳 that's quite the "tell" is it not? Gee, not so very friendly after all? When we give "gifts" to anyone (and those include compliments) we should give them freely, to be kind and uplift others with out ever expecting anything in return. I'm sorry that this person is unable to do that in their point in the journey of their life.

Thank you for sharing with me today my sweet Fishy Fish! ❤️ I really enjoy conversations with you. So many times you give me things to think about, things to consider, points to ponder, get me into cerebral mode and doing some "mental gymnastics" 😊. I love our Pond! Weeeeeeeee weeeeeeeeeee! 😊 I am so very grateful for you and so very grateful for our friendship! ❤️❤️❤️

Also, thank you for asking me. ❤️ I'm doing great today my friend! 😊 I'm hoping that you are having a great day as well! 😊

*high fives* 😊 and big *hugs* ❤️