Upset and demotivated

Lately so many bad things have been happening to me. I feel very demotivated. I cannot stop myself from thinking how unlucky I am. From the outside my life seems pretty good, but trauma wrecked my brain and I am always hypervigilant. Nobody gets it. 

So many people told me that I should stop letting the past affect me. 

I wish, but it's not that simple. Trauma changes your brain chemistry and the way your perceive the world. It's not a simple matter of willpower. 

I should stop wanting people to validate my experience. 

Nobody will truly understand what I went through. 

And I want to stop caring if people validate or not my trauma. 

I know that for me it was painful and that's enough. 

Some days I just feel very low and wish things were different. 

I try my very best to get better but some days are just bad days. 

I just want to go in my bed and cry to be honest. 

I'm not looking for any specific advice. I just wanted to get it off my chest.