Venting

Making a separate post to ask for any words of comfort or suggestions for my specific situation. Anything is greatly appreciated. 

I just graduated college and I have no idea how to use my degrees for anything purposeful or meaningful. I miss being in school and learning and being surrounded by people so much. I can’t afford to go to graduate school or to further my education in any way. I have a new job right now as a dog walker, and while I can sometimes enjoy certain aspects, like staying active and interacting with animals, I am still left with a huge hole in my heart and a longing for something more. I wish I had more friends or more fun things to do, but I feel so disconnected from everyone. It feels like I’m just watching other people’s lives on the sidelines. I want to connect with people. I want to use my brain. I want to be creative. I want to be seen and appreciated. 

I have dealt with anxiety my entire life, depression in the last 5 years or more, and was recently diagnosed with an autoimmune disorder that affects my thyroid, hormones, and mood. It leaves me exhausted physically and mentally. I try to take care of myself but it is so incredibly difficult. Some days, like today, I don’t have it in me to fight it anymore. I am sad for myself and I am also sad about the world that we live in. There are so many people struggling right now and I just wish that there was something good that we could all hold on to. 

If anything, if there’s anyone out there who is feeling unbelievably heavy, sad, anxious, and alone today, know that you’re not alone because I am feeling that way too. Even though our situations and experiences vary so much, the emotion and the feeling in our body is very much alike. Thanks for reading.